Saturday, April 19, 2014

Hostilities on a Good Day

This Good Friday, I went for the Way of the Cross procession at my local church (you know .. where you see a usually small group of mismatched people walking slowly and blocking half the road for seemingly no apparent reason .. yeap that's us *blushes* (and that's the reason)). So anyhoo, they changed the book we'd be using without fore-warning so I was forced to peek over people's shoulders or just force my way by their side to keep up. It's not a big deal really .. or well, it shouldn't be. This is a church function for goodness sake so if you can't share on Good Friday, humanity may be in more trouble than we might think (sorry .. just got through an apocalyptic novel today).

Most people didn't mind sharing their books .. and those who did, I bullied into submission. Don't worry .. this is the part where we get to my story. I am totally unbiased in who I'll seek assistance from. It was like musical chairs. Where the music stopped (quite literally) I moved closer to whoever nearby had a book. So somewhere along the way, a man, maybe 10 years my senior, had a book and I moved closer. I immediately sensed unease. As I was not groping him in a dark alley, I figured it had nothing to do with me. Then a lady who had stopped slightly ahead suddenly leaned heavily (and unnecessarily) on him. The declaration of territory. She quickly scanned my hands for a ring, and seeing none, somewhat glared at me. I saw no reason why all three of us couldn't read from the same page and just be friends .. It's the Holy Week for crying out loud! I became acutely aware of the man's discomfort and wondered at my lot. All this took place in the span of 5 minutes or less, but in that period, I had to ask myself when I'd became such a social pariah .. The Single Women: Snatcher of Husbands even in church! Nkt!

In her defence, maybe her man has a wandering eye, but that really has nothing to do with me. If your man is a strayer, he will stray even if you shoot and kill all the women you see him with. From the stories I've heard from my male pals, they've become rather clever about hiding their indiscretions & they're never with the people you expect. Spare the new young & perky secretary in his office some slack and give a closer look at your best maid ...

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Teachings of 2013

Apologies are over-done .. let's just get on with it, shall we?

I've been thinking that I should put down tales of my misses from last year .. you know, the type of things that could only happen to me ..

  1. The West African
Do you remember the photo guy? That happened in Nigeria. True to form, I was in Ghana at same point last year for work and was once again put up in a hotel. I got in on a Sunday afternoon and managed to do a little sight-seeing while gorging myself with snacks. I chose to skip supper because:
a)      I would be up by Nairobi time which would be 3 hours before everyone else.
b)      I was enjoying a sugar high from the junk I’d eaten so didn’t need to eat.
c)      Last and probably most honest, I figured that I could save some money in the knowledge that breakfast there comprises full meals of chicken, rice and beef.

As expected, I got up rather early (maybe 4am Accra time) and got some work done while waiting for breakfast time which started at 6am. By 6am, I was all showered and famished. I bound my way down to the restaurant almost skipping to a tune in my mind and picked a table. I started off with some fruits and sat myself down, happy with myself. Now, totally unexpected and out of the blue, a well clad, nice smelling and relatively handsome Ghanaian man chose to come join me at my table. I didn’t really mind and welcomed the chatter that ensued. He also started his meal off with fruits. 

As one would expect, we both moved to the 2nd part of our meal at the same time. I went about picking my chicken, rice, veggies, sausages, and God only knows what else. I got back to the table first and happily tucked in. By now, I’m guessing you already know where this story is headed. Mr. Super-Health-Consciousness came back with a small portion of baked beans and a sausage … How now! Needless to say, he polished off his entire meal before I’d finished tackling my chicken and was off to a (possibly fictitious) meeting he had to attend.

  1. The Cheap Guy
I chanced upon some fellow one drunken night out and we got into entertaining conversation including our announcing to everyone that we had been married for 7 years and were the perfect couple (blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol ..). So anyway, before we parted ways that night while exchanging numbers I noticed that he was driving a slick navy blue Mercedes Benz coupe. I’m not one to base friendship on such flimsy things as cars driven, but it must be said, I noticed it.
Next time we met, he showed up in a sleek metallic grey BMW 1 Series which is a car I really like. Next time after that, he was in a beat up Subaru that had been in more than its fair share of accidents. After that? You guessed it! He was on foot! Something about his car being in the shop .. As I like to think of myself as a level headed woman who doesn’t care about material things, I didn’t make too much of it all.Of course I did wonder if he were a driver, poor man, beggar man or thief (seeing as rich man was off the table).

What tipped the balance is when he took me out for dinner. You need to understand .. he booked me in advance for this .. We met up (obviously I was now the one driving) and he gave me directions .. To a bar! And ordered chips & sausage. Even a Thirty-something-year-old has her limits! Things didn’t last too long after that.

  1. The Psycho
This was a friend of mine with whom things took that turn. I won’t say it’s never a good idea to fall for a friend but in this case, it didn’t work out for me. We loved each other’s company and were always laughing so those who heard of the shift in gear in the nature of our relationship were not too surprised and were happy for us. I won’t bore you with the fluffy happiness of the initial part of the story but will go straight to the point.

One fine evening while at his place, he took a hold of my arm and casually mentioned how easy it would be for him to break it. No .. you don’t have to go back re-read it .. that’s what he actually said. Soon thereafter there was a question that made my blood run cold: “Does anyone know you’re here?” Wa! Wa! Wa! How now! Can you say Psycho! I’d like to report that I gathered myself up in a huff while shouting at him “Get away from me you Hannibal Lecter!” but alas .. I was too happy to be in the rise of potential love that I gave all this a blind eye. It all ended not too long thereafter due to other reasons, but with hindsight I thank God dearly .. perhaps my body would now be lying in an unmarked grave in his backyard while he tends to the blossoming roses above my head …

The teachings of 2013 to me were that being single is not all bad! 

Have an optimistic week ahead!