A 3-Year Plan?

I find that I’ve become one of the boys which is an interesting vintage point to view the world from. I don’t suppose it greatly helps my (apparently half-hearted) quest for Mr. Right, but it’s a price I pay happily. Being surrounded by 5 jamaas at a bar doesn’t really count as one of the attributes of ‘wife material’ I think, but I could always check.

Seating with the boys makes me think that whoever authored the Mars & Venus thing was really on to something. The topic of conversation on this day was my single status. The married to single ratio of this group of boys was about 50:50. One earnestly tells me that I will never get married because I am too intelligent. 

“Excuse me?” I ask surprised. 

“Well you see,” he explains taking a sip of his beer, “No man wants to come home to a woman he can’t wow with his knowledge of current affairs, or the happenings in foreign countries. What’s the fun in going home and in a moment of brilliance quipping that you hope that the milk in the tea doesn’t have melamine like that in China, only to be told that in China it was baby formula made by such and such corporation.”

“They were the Sanlu Group and I think it was milk powder,” I say unthinkingly. 

“I rest my case,” he responds with a smile as the rest of the boys break out in laughter.

“No. She’ll get a man, so long as she hurries it up before her sell-by date,” another says, while adding to me, “which is quick approaching, no?”

“Is that menopause?” I ask and immediately notice the collective albeit discrete cringe.

“Nooo. It’s just that guys will begin to wonder what’s wrong with you if by a certain age you’re still single and bila kids,” he explains.

“Oh? How long do I have?” I ask.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t push it beyond 3 years …” is the answer. I guess that the virtues of alcohol is that it numbs the effect of such comments on the offset but these are issues that will certainly keep me up later in the week.

The conversation goes on and on and I’ll share snippets of it later. Age is understandable; senior bachelors will always be more attractive than any bachelorette but, hey! That’s just society. But that the challenge of a woman who knows what’s going on beyond her front door would be too much to bear is just odd! Next time I go out I’ll introduce myself as a tea girl and upon being told that the Berlin Wall came down I’ll  flutter my eyelashes and ask “What’s that?”

Have a simple day.

The Impending Valentine's Day Threat

 I’ve come to the conclusion that things are thick. Wa! I was staring out of the window at some far off trees and they formed in my mind the image of couples cuddling and kissing!

I blame it on the New Year and the looming Valentine’s day threat. Single women everywhere hate Valentine’s day. It’s the day they’re brought to account on how balanced their lives are (or aren’t) and the rawest form of their insecurities are laid bare for all to see. It doesn’t matter what you do (even if you run an orphanage and have single handedly saved hundreds of little Annie’s), how old you are or how cute you may be. The question is “why are you not in a relationship?” with an undertone of “what is wrong with you?”.

Many a woman braves the day putting on a strong face and casually throwing out “It’s been so materialized!” or “For me it’s a day I spend with my Mother as I really love her…”  Deep down there’s the hope that someone somewhere will remember you. A card, chocolate, flowers? On that day, it could even be Creepy Dave from the news stand. Anything is better than nothing.

Last year I spent Vals at a bar with a bevy of pals chatting the afternoon away and having a swell time. Needless to say we’d probably all have preferred to be elsewhere (and more so the females) but at least it was something to do. This year it falls on a Monday so at least there’s work to take up a greater part of the day. After that, it’s not a bad idea to slink off home and wait for the day to be over.

Marital Disengagement?

I recently noticed a disengagement with my work. I love my career but just feel that there must be more to it than this. I guess I feel under utilized and just need a greater challenge. I’d given myself a time frame to be in my present employ so I will just have to stick it out until then, unless it gets unbearable.

With thoughts like this running through my head, I have to wonder if the same happens in married life. Do you one day look at your spouse and wonder what the Dicken’s you were thinking when you promised a ‘forever’ to that oaf? Do you look longingly at your single friends as they tell you tales of fun nights out and ask God to turn back the hands of time? Do you think of broaching the subject of the taboo ‘break’?

My guess is that it’s a human condition to want change. One must just realize that there are some things you just don't want to change. I remember the countless hours spent as a middle child in a family of 4 wondering why I wasn’t just born a single child, annoyed for the umpteenth time by one sibling or other. The very next day I would be basking in the open love of a child singing praises to said sibling who had since redeemed themselves by doing something that now ranked them next to God in my esteem. I am fickle like that and guess many are too.

So look at your man this weekend as he stretches on the couch having skipped a shower and scratching his unmentionables and remember that it was for better or worse and the better may not be that far off.