My neighbour is slightly younger than my father and lives with his girlfriend who's quite younger than me. I guess in this day and age that's not even surprising leave alone shocking. It's not the kind of story that gives you pause as you go about your day. If anything, you sit expectantly waiting for the rest of the story as surely, that can't be it!
I have no doubt that he has a wife and family elsewhere who he has left for the spring chicken. Contrary to what you might expect though, today I present this story from the man's perspective. I had an older workmate who did just this. He moved away from his family when his girlfriend got pregnant.
Although I'd been working there for some time when the drama unfolded, I'd never once heard this guy say anything kind about his wife. Not the one. So you can imagine my jaw dropping surprise when I met said wife and found that she was a stunner (I always admire women who find a way to age gracefully). This woman was (and I suspect still is) simply beautiful. My workmate (let's call him Tim) had simple problems with her; she simply drove him crazy. Examples:
"Yesterday I washed the dishes (remember this guy's age set is the type that wouldn't know where the kitchen is) and she washed them again saying she knew that I'd done it badly and wondered what I was trying to prove anyway. Why did she have to do that? Why can't she be more appreciative?"
"The woman constantly complains about anything and everything! I'm loathe to go home! Waiter!"
"Romance? The woman has no idea what the word means. Nothing happens in the bedroom no more."
His girlfriend (who we'll call Njambi) didn't have half his wife's looks, but she knew how to make her man feel special. She was (and presumably still is (- I've lost touch with these people)) a very imposing person and not too young herself but I guess she captivated his attention in a manner his wife had long since stopped trying to. He was comfortable and at peace when around her so it was difficult to begrudge him the decision to leave his family (wife & 3 kids) for Njambi. He chose happiness. He (presumably still) supports both homes.
So I guess this is a wake up call to women. You must have heard it a million times before but don't take your man for granted & don't be the source of his frustration.
Postscript: the neighbour in question is very comfortable about his anatomy/masculinity and I've seen him naked. Twice. I'm still trying to wipe the image from my psyche! Idiot hangs around his door stark naked ...
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Unrequited Love
The Universe has conspired to keep me out of my own blog. Seriously. I can't post a comment. Not even as Anonymous! Anyhoo, on the question of loving the young, one word of advice: Don't! Life IS too short! :-) Don't get me wrong, if you're in relationship with a younger person and it's working, good for you. Just not my cup of tea.
But to today's tale. It's inspired by someone's comment that I can unfortunately not point at (I'll be lucky if yin & yang let me publish this post). The question was, why do chicks hang on to bad/finished relationships?
Where to start, where to start? I'm a chick who's been in love and been loved, so let's use me as a guiding stick. Once upon a time, there was this guy who was everything I ever wanted in a man. Well not everything (deplorable English & didn't read anything other than the paper) but I figured that he was the man for me. Let's call him Dave. Dave was honest enough with me from the onset to be clear that we'd not be married with 2.2 kids. Not in this lifetime. Or in the next. He didn't come out and tell me but at some level I understood. I figured a couple 'that's not what he meant's and 'I can change him', but alas, it was not meant to be. By the time I got round to accepting the rejection, I'd fallen for him rather hard. It took all my courage to nip it in the bud and keep my distance. Though I'm one of the lucky ones, every now and again I have to stop myself from sending that text!
We all know sensible women who do the darndest things to be with some man they should simply let go of. I mean, I could write a book! And it's not that they have no options; my pal Mary got married while admitting that she was looking over her shoulder in case the man who had her heart should declare that he'd been mistaken to let go of her. It's just not that easy. The heart wants what the heart wants and it's very difficult to train it to understand that the object of its affections is just not interested.
If you've never been in this situation, count yourself lucky. If you have, join me in praying for the women we know who just can't seem to get themselves out of it. I think in this men are luckier; they just seem to have thicker skin and know how to bounce back.
But to today's tale. It's inspired by someone's comment that I can unfortunately not point at (I'll be lucky if yin & yang let me publish this post). The question was, why do chicks hang on to bad/finished relationships?
Where to start, where to start? I'm a chick who's been in love and been loved, so let's use me as a guiding stick. Once upon a time, there was this guy who was everything I ever wanted in a man. Well not everything (deplorable English & didn't read anything other than the paper) but I figured that he was the man for me. Let's call him Dave. Dave was honest enough with me from the onset to be clear that we'd not be married with 2.2 kids. Not in this lifetime. Or in the next. He didn't come out and tell me but at some level I understood. I figured a couple 'that's not what he meant's and 'I can change him', but alas, it was not meant to be. By the time I got round to accepting the rejection, I'd fallen for him rather hard. It took all my courage to nip it in the bud and keep my distance. Though I'm one of the lucky ones, every now and again I have to stop myself from sending that text!
We all know sensible women who do the darndest things to be with some man they should simply let go of. I mean, I could write a book! And it's not that they have no options; my pal Mary got married while admitting that she was looking over her shoulder in case the man who had her heart should declare that he'd been mistaken to let go of her. It's just not that easy. The heart wants what the heart wants and it's very difficult to train it to understand that the object of its affections is just not interested.
If you've never been in this situation, count yourself lucky. If you have, join me in praying for the women we know who just can't seem to get themselves out of it. I think in this men are luckier; they just seem to have thicker skin and know how to bounce back.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Relationships gone to Hell
I often think that it's very unfortunate being a chick. There should be a 3rd option which we should have the freedom to choose once were 21 (... well maybe 30). You see women love whole heartedly with all their being. They give their all and their soul to this person whom they have earmarked as their own.
Why is this a tragedy? Meet a few ladies below (names obviously false):
Mary - A girl from a rich family. She fell in love and dropped out of high school at form 3 to go live with her lover, a matatu tout no less. She got pregnant and was disowned by her family. Last I heard, she had 4 kids with this bloke, lived in a bedsitter in Eastleigh and he had so many wives/girlfriends that Akuku Danger (rest his soul in peace) would have been impressed. She loves him.
Maggie - She's in love with a married man. By the time she made the conscious decision to fall pregnant with his child, she was well aware that he had 3 wives in 3 countries but somehow beleived that she would be the one to tame him. Her baby is now 7 and she has a good enough job to take care of her. But you know what the worst part is? She still gets hurt whenever she doesn't manage to garner a decent amount of time from Baby Daddy for herself. She loves him.
Magdalene - Her situation is just sad. They've been going out for about 3 weeks and she feels he's the man for her. He doesn't even seem to like her. He'll go out with her together with all his boys and relatives and their friends (and friends' friends) and she'll foot the bill (forget that everyone else also works). Never mind that there's a girl in the pack who the object of her affection is untowardly friendly to and doesn't hide this fact even in Magdalene's presence. He'll drive behind her to her place (leaving the boys in place and insisting that Magdalene needs to get an early start for her tomorrow), have his way with her (if she's lucky) and ask her for money. She'll provide and pretend that she doesn't know that he's going back to entertain the rest with her money (questionable chick included). Should she raise query about his behaviour, he'll throw a tantrum and threaten to leave her for not trusting him. And the worst part is, after he's gotten his fill of the chick, he'll be the one to dump her and leave her crying after him and wonderig why. Because she loved him.
Marjorie - She's a battered woman. To the outside world, she has everything any woman would want. A loving husband, adorable kids, a great job and a bright future. Come home and her nightmare begins. He beats her for anything from having moved the remote to their children's dismal grades. The level of beatings change with his mood. Can be a smack or a blow. It started out in private but now happens infront of the kids and seems likely to graduate to infront of guests. She's had to explain many a walking into closet doors and falling down stairs. "I'm so clumsy," she explains with a smile. Why does she stay? Because she loves him.
Mercy - She's also a powerful woman in a highflying industry with a great job. She multi tasks like a combine harvester and always has energy to do more and more. She's married to this dude who has no job. Hasn't had a job in the last 10 years and isn't looking for one. Not that he helps around the house. Nooo. He can't be bothered to get the kids up and dressed for school, can't be bothered to keep the house neat, can't be bothered to change the light bulb and can't even be bothered to check the kids' homework. That's a woman's job. She comes home from work for him to lift his head from the couch and ask "what's for dinner?". She stays because her kids need a father figure. And she loves him.
Mildred - She got married out of pure love. She beleived that a love like theirs had never been seen before. It was the stuff of real fairy tales. He was a successful businessman and he convinced her to drop out of college. After all, a wife as lovely as she was would never need to work a day in her life. He'd take care of all her needs. Fast forward 13 years on and she's contemplating suicide. He takes care of their 3 kids to a fault but loaths her. Why, even her children treat her with a level of disdain. And he encourages them. He does all the shopping pays all the fees and bills and she has to go through the humilliation of asking him for money for pads. She has no life outside her home and that has slowly turned into a prison. He brings odd women home every ones in a while and has a go with them in the guesthouse. The only reason he doesn't kick her out of their matrimonial bed to do his deeds with these women is that he has too much respect for the kids. His 'gachuguas' are better kept than her who needs to explain with the aid of a power point presentation why it is she needs money for a new outfit. She doesn't love him anymore more.
This is unfortunately only the tip of the iceberg. If you're single, stop beating yourself up over it and say a silent prayer for the women in the above situation.
Why is this a tragedy? Meet a few ladies below (names obviously false):
Mary - A girl from a rich family. She fell in love and dropped out of high school at form 3 to go live with her lover, a matatu tout no less. She got pregnant and was disowned by her family. Last I heard, she had 4 kids with this bloke, lived in a bedsitter in Eastleigh and he had so many wives/girlfriends that Akuku Danger (rest his soul in peace) would have been impressed. She loves him.
Maggie - She's in love with a married man. By the time she made the conscious decision to fall pregnant with his child, she was well aware that he had 3 wives in 3 countries but somehow beleived that she would be the one to tame him. Her baby is now 7 and she has a good enough job to take care of her. But you know what the worst part is? She still gets hurt whenever she doesn't manage to garner a decent amount of time from Baby Daddy for herself. She loves him.
Magdalene - Her situation is just sad. They've been going out for about 3 weeks and she feels he's the man for her. He doesn't even seem to like her. He'll go out with her together with all his boys and relatives and their friends (and friends' friends) and she'll foot the bill (forget that everyone else also works). Never mind that there's a girl in the pack who the object of her affection is untowardly friendly to and doesn't hide this fact even in Magdalene's presence. He'll drive behind her to her place (leaving the boys in place and insisting that Magdalene needs to get an early start for her tomorrow), have his way with her (if she's lucky) and ask her for money. She'll provide and pretend that she doesn't know that he's going back to entertain the rest with her money (questionable chick included). Should she raise query about his behaviour, he'll throw a tantrum and threaten to leave her for not trusting him. And the worst part is, after he's gotten his fill of the chick, he'll be the one to dump her and leave her crying after him and wonderig why. Because she loved him.
Marjorie - She's a battered woman. To the outside world, she has everything any woman would want. A loving husband, adorable kids, a great job and a bright future. Come home and her nightmare begins. He beats her for anything from having moved the remote to their children's dismal grades. The level of beatings change with his mood. Can be a smack or a blow. It started out in private but now happens infront of the kids and seems likely to graduate to infront of guests. She's had to explain many a walking into closet doors and falling down stairs. "I'm so clumsy," she explains with a smile. Why does she stay? Because she loves him.
Mercy - She's also a powerful woman in a highflying industry with a great job. She multi tasks like a combine harvester and always has energy to do more and more. She's married to this dude who has no job. Hasn't had a job in the last 10 years and isn't looking for one. Not that he helps around the house. Nooo. He can't be bothered to get the kids up and dressed for school, can't be bothered to keep the house neat, can't be bothered to change the light bulb and can't even be bothered to check the kids' homework. That's a woman's job. She comes home from work for him to lift his head from the couch and ask "what's for dinner?". She stays because her kids need a father figure. And she loves him.
Mildred - She got married out of pure love. She beleived that a love like theirs had never been seen before. It was the stuff of real fairy tales. He was a successful businessman and he convinced her to drop out of college. After all, a wife as lovely as she was would never need to work a day in her life. He'd take care of all her needs. Fast forward 13 years on and she's contemplating suicide. He takes care of their 3 kids to a fault but loaths her. Why, even her children treat her with a level of disdain. And he encourages them. He does all the shopping pays all the fees and bills and she has to go through the humilliation of asking him for money for pads. She has no life outside her home and that has slowly turned into a prison. He brings odd women home every ones in a while and has a go with them in the guesthouse. The only reason he doesn't kick her out of their matrimonial bed to do his deeds with these women is that he has too much respect for the kids. His 'gachuguas' are better kept than her who needs to explain with the aid of a power point presentation why it is she needs money for a new outfit. She doesn't love him anymore more.
This is unfortunately only the tip of the iceberg. If you're single, stop beating yourself up over it and say a silent prayer for the women in the above situation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)