Single women are their own worst enemies. To explain: The other day I went out with 4 single girls to watch a play. After that, we went out on the rave. In all this time, we only spoke and interacted with each other and people we knew. How really do we expect to get men? How now?
On the other hand though, I was having a discussion with a pal of mine who met her husband while in campus and we agreed that things aren't the same as they used to be. Getting a man is so much more difficult now. You see, when you're both students you look at the world with starry eyed wonder and nothing but great hope and optimism in the future. You'll be the best darned doctor/accountant/lawyer/farmer/anthropologist that the world has ever seen and you will be married by 25 with 3 kids by 30. You will work on making the world a better place. And your potential success is not a problem. If say, your studying Actuarial Science, you may drop out, so you're not necessarily a threat to the boys.
Fast forward a number of years later after you're established in your carrier (not nice carriers like nursing which presuppose that you're a caring being .. let's stick with the actuarial science example - cold, precise, impersonal). The average dude, even in the same profession or doing better than you tends to be somewhat threatened by you. That's not even talking of the guys who perceive you to be out of their league. Then God forbid you should get yourself a nice car or (gasp) start paying a mortgage! By so doing, you buy yourself a slot in the 'untouchable' category .. right up there next to Martha Karua! A male pal explained that that is just too much pressure on a dude ...
So what to do? Stick to the 'I'm a tea girl'!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Childless Women
On Easy FM in the morning jana, their topic of discussion was childless women. The question was whether it was normal for a woman to consciously decide that she didn't want kids. Whether there was something innately wrong with her. The examples used were of women who claimed not to want kids because they make too much noise ... I've however chanced upon women who know that they won't have kids saying that they lack the calling or the interest. Most callers were of the view that those women are selfish and immature. Got me thinking...
In my case, I don't have kids and am not in a hurry to get any. I realize that with my biological clock ticking away, it may be too late by the time I settle down and am ready for them. And that doesn't really bother me. I figure that adoption is always an option if need be. I wouldn't want to end up like those jungus who have nothing but their dogs to care for in their old age, but are kids the ultimate prize? Isn't it mean to have kids just for the sake of it? Aren't there enough of them suffering out there? Isn't it also mean to be 50 year old parents of pre-teens?
Maybe it's just a private decision that should be left thus.
In my case, I don't have kids and am not in a hurry to get any. I realize that with my biological clock ticking away, it may be too late by the time I settle down and am ready for them. And that doesn't really bother me. I figure that adoption is always an option if need be. I wouldn't want to end up like those jungus who have nothing but their dogs to care for in their old age, but are kids the ultimate prize? Isn't it mean to have kids just for the sake of it? Aren't there enough of them suffering out there? Isn't it also mean to be 50 year old parents of pre-teens?
Maybe it's just a private decision that should be left thus.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Relationships gone to Hell
I often think that it's very unfortunate being a chick. There should be a 3rd option which we should have the freedom to choose once were 21 (... well maybe 30). You see women love whole heartedly with all their being. They give their all and their soul to this person whom they have earmarked as their own.
Why is this a tragedy? Meet a few ladies below (names obviously false):
Mary - A girl from a rich family. She fell in love and dropped out of high school at form 3 to go live with her lover, a matatu tout no less. She got pregnant and was disowned by her family. Last I heard, she had 4 kids with this bloke, lived in a bedsitter in Eastleigh and he had so many wives/girlfriends that Akuku Danger (rest his soul in peace) would have been impressed. She loves him.
Maggie - She's in love with a married man. By the time she made the conscious decision to fall pregnant with his child, she was well aware that he had 3 wives in 3 countries but somehow beleived that she would be the one to tame him. Her baby is now 7 and she has a good enough job to take care of her. But you know what the worst part is? She still gets hurt whenever she doesn't manage to garner a decent amount of time from Baby Daddy for herself. She loves him.
Magdalene - Her situation is just sad. They've been going out for about 3 weeks and she feels he's the man for her. He doesn't even seem to like her. He'll go out with her together with all his boys and relatives and their friends (and friends' friends) and she'll foot the bill (forget that everyone else also works). Never mind that there's a girl in the pack who the object of her affection is untowardly friendly to and doesn't hide this fact even in Magdalene's presence. He'll drive behind her to her place (leaving the boys in place and insisting that Magdalene needs to get an early start for her tomorrow), have his way with her (if she's lucky) and ask her for money. She'll provide and pretend that she doesn't know that he's going back to entertain the rest with her money (questionable chick included). Should she raise query about his behaviour, he'll throw a tantrum and threaten to leave her for not trusting him. And the worst part is, after he's gotten his fill of the chick, he'll be the one to dump her and leave her crying after him and wonderig why. Because she loved him.
Marjorie - She's a battered woman. To the outside world, she has everything any woman would want. A loving husband, adorable kids, a great job and a bright future. Come home and her nightmare begins. He beats her for anything from having moved the remote to their children's dismal grades. The level of beatings change with his mood. Can be a smack or a blow. It started out in private but now happens infront of the kids and seems likely to graduate to infront of guests. She's had to explain many a walking into closet doors and falling down stairs. "I'm so clumsy," she explains with a smile. Why does she stay? Because she loves him.
Mercy - She's also a powerful woman in a highflying industry with a great job. She multi tasks like a combine harvester and always has energy to do more and more. She's married to this dude who has no job. Hasn't had a job in the last 10 years and isn't looking for one. Not that he helps around the house. Nooo. He can't be bothered to get the kids up and dressed for school, can't be bothered to keep the house neat, can't be bothered to change the light bulb and can't even be bothered to check the kids' homework. That's a woman's job. She comes home from work for him to lift his head from the couch and ask "what's for dinner?". She stays because her kids need a father figure. And she loves him.
Mildred - She got married out of pure love. She beleived that a love like theirs had never been seen before. It was the stuff of real fairy tales. He was a successful businessman and he convinced her to drop out of college. After all, a wife as lovely as she was would never need to work a day in her life. He'd take care of all her needs. Fast forward 13 years on and she's contemplating suicide. He takes care of their 3 kids to a fault but loaths her. Why, even her children treat her with a level of disdain. And he encourages them. He does all the shopping pays all the fees and bills and she has to go through the humilliation of asking him for money for pads. She has no life outside her home and that has slowly turned into a prison. He brings odd women home every ones in a while and has a go with them in the guesthouse. The only reason he doesn't kick her out of their matrimonial bed to do his deeds with these women is that he has too much respect for the kids. His 'gachuguas' are better kept than her who needs to explain with the aid of a power point presentation why it is she needs money for a new outfit. She doesn't love him anymore more.
This is unfortunately only the tip of the iceberg. If you're single, stop beating yourself up over it and say a silent prayer for the women in the above situation.
Why is this a tragedy? Meet a few ladies below (names obviously false):
Mary - A girl from a rich family. She fell in love and dropped out of high school at form 3 to go live with her lover, a matatu tout no less. She got pregnant and was disowned by her family. Last I heard, she had 4 kids with this bloke, lived in a bedsitter in Eastleigh and he had so many wives/girlfriends that Akuku Danger (rest his soul in peace) would have been impressed. She loves him.
Maggie - She's in love with a married man. By the time she made the conscious decision to fall pregnant with his child, she was well aware that he had 3 wives in 3 countries but somehow beleived that she would be the one to tame him. Her baby is now 7 and she has a good enough job to take care of her. But you know what the worst part is? She still gets hurt whenever she doesn't manage to garner a decent amount of time from Baby Daddy for herself. She loves him.
Magdalene - Her situation is just sad. They've been going out for about 3 weeks and she feels he's the man for her. He doesn't even seem to like her. He'll go out with her together with all his boys and relatives and their friends (and friends' friends) and she'll foot the bill (forget that everyone else also works). Never mind that there's a girl in the pack who the object of her affection is untowardly friendly to and doesn't hide this fact even in Magdalene's presence. He'll drive behind her to her place (leaving the boys in place and insisting that Magdalene needs to get an early start for her tomorrow), have his way with her (if she's lucky) and ask her for money. She'll provide and pretend that she doesn't know that he's going back to entertain the rest with her money (questionable chick included). Should she raise query about his behaviour, he'll throw a tantrum and threaten to leave her for not trusting him. And the worst part is, after he's gotten his fill of the chick, he'll be the one to dump her and leave her crying after him and wonderig why. Because she loved him.
Marjorie - She's a battered woman. To the outside world, she has everything any woman would want. A loving husband, adorable kids, a great job and a bright future. Come home and her nightmare begins. He beats her for anything from having moved the remote to their children's dismal grades. The level of beatings change with his mood. Can be a smack or a blow. It started out in private but now happens infront of the kids and seems likely to graduate to infront of guests. She's had to explain many a walking into closet doors and falling down stairs. "I'm so clumsy," she explains with a smile. Why does she stay? Because she loves him.
Mercy - She's also a powerful woman in a highflying industry with a great job. She multi tasks like a combine harvester and always has energy to do more and more. She's married to this dude who has no job. Hasn't had a job in the last 10 years and isn't looking for one. Not that he helps around the house. Nooo. He can't be bothered to get the kids up and dressed for school, can't be bothered to keep the house neat, can't be bothered to change the light bulb and can't even be bothered to check the kids' homework. That's a woman's job. She comes home from work for him to lift his head from the couch and ask "what's for dinner?". She stays because her kids need a father figure. And she loves him.
Mildred - She got married out of pure love. She beleived that a love like theirs had never been seen before. It was the stuff of real fairy tales. He was a successful businessman and he convinced her to drop out of college. After all, a wife as lovely as she was would never need to work a day in her life. He'd take care of all her needs. Fast forward 13 years on and she's contemplating suicide. He takes care of their 3 kids to a fault but loaths her. Why, even her children treat her with a level of disdain. And he encourages them. He does all the shopping pays all the fees and bills and she has to go through the humilliation of asking him for money for pads. She has no life outside her home and that has slowly turned into a prison. He brings odd women home every ones in a while and has a go with them in the guesthouse. The only reason he doesn't kick her out of their matrimonial bed to do his deeds with these women is that he has too much respect for the kids. His 'gachuguas' are better kept than her who needs to explain with the aid of a power point presentation why it is she needs money for a new outfit. She doesn't love him anymore more.
This is unfortunately only the tip of the iceberg. If you're single, stop beating yourself up over it and say a silent prayer for the women in the above situation.
The Chips Act
Here's a forward I got this weekend. Lol!
The provisions of the CHIPS ACT are as follows:
1. Section 2(1) provides that a chips shall always appear in a club looking fresh. Sweaty mamas wakae home.
2. A chips shall never ask for payment after a night of sec.........luded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free. Asking for credit, fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in disciplinary action.
3. Chips should never come to the club with mummy, daddy or girlfriend issues. Clubs are happy places - shida zako wacha home.
4. Chips should never leave stuff at a man's place so as to get an excuse to come back later. Any stuff left shall be properly disposed by the man and he shall not be liable for any loss whatsoever.
5. Chips should remember the way they use to the man's residence because on the day after, no chips should expect to be seen off the stage. In fact if possible, don't wake the man up,..........just leave
quietly.
6. In relation to sub section 5, a chips should never ever steal or borrow anything from the man's residence. This offence is tantamount to treason and is punishable. It should further be noted that going with the man's jacket or pullover just coz its cold shall be deemed as stealing.
7. A chips shall practice full disclosure before she's fungwad. Full disclosure includes disclosing whether her hair or teeth are fake, whether she has a medical condition, or whether the club's neon lights makes her look hotter than she really is.
8. Chips shall leave other pals after meeting with the man. Bringing an extra mama will be taken to mean that the man is being propositioned for a 3-some.
9. No chips shall disclose any secrets that the man might tell her when he's tipsy. Neither shall she disclose to other people where the man lives. It is a serious offence for a chips to warn other chips that the man is a serial chipser.
10. No chips shall come to the club at "that time of the month" and if she does she should disclose this in good time. Failure to disclose this before proceeding to the man's residence, the said chips shall reimburse the man full costs e.g cab fare, cost of drinks, Opportunity cost (i.e the cost of incurred by foregoing/ missing out on the other available chips).
11. We live in a dangerous world. Chips shall accept to be eaten with sauce. Not vinegar or mustard but sauce. Always remember, kuna chips imekarangwa na transformer oil.
12. Chips shall accept the fact that they are CHIPS. Any insisting on otherwise is an offence. The only exception to this provision is when the man expressly, in writing or orally, tells the chips otherwise or a certain period has passes and the chips is still pleasing the man. However, this period shall be set by the senate in consultation with parliament. In that case, the chips will be required to make an offer for change in status quo and the man shall accept. Only then shall the chips become the legal wife of the man.
1. Section 2(1) provides that a chips shall always appear in a club looking fresh. Sweaty mamas wakae home.
2. A chips shall never ask for payment after a night of sec.........luded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free. Asking for credit, fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in disciplinary action.
3. Chips should never come to the club with mummy, daddy or girlfriend issues. Clubs are happy places - shida zako wacha home.
4. Chips should never leave stuff at a man's place so as to get an excuse to come back later. Any stuff left shall be properly disposed by the man and he shall not be liable for any loss whatsoever.
5. Chips should remember the way they use to the man's residence because on the day after, no chips should expect to be seen off the stage. In fact if possible, don't wake the man up,..........just leave
quietly.
6. In relation to sub section 5, a chips should never ever steal or borrow anything from the man's residence. This offence is tantamount to treason and is punishable. It should further be noted that going with the man's jacket or pullover just coz its cold shall be deemed as stealing.
7. A chips shall practice full disclosure before she's fungwad. Full disclosure includes disclosing whether her hair or teeth are fake, whether she has a medical condition, or whether the club's neon lights makes her look hotter than she really is.
8. Chips shall leave other pals after meeting with the man. Bringing an extra mama will be taken to mean that the man is being propositioned for a 3-some.
9. No chips shall disclose any secrets that the man might tell her when he's tipsy. Neither shall she disclose to other people where the man lives. It is a serious offence for a chips to warn other chips that the man is a serial chipser.
10. No chips shall come to the club at "that time of the month" and if she does she should disclose this in good time. Failure to disclose this before proceeding to the man's residence, the said chips shall reimburse the man full costs e.g cab fare, cost of drinks, Opportunity cost (i.e the cost of incurred by foregoing/ missing out on the other available chips).
11. We live in a dangerous world. Chips shall accept to be eaten with sauce. Not vinegar or mustard but sauce. Always remember, kuna chips imekarangwa na transformer oil.
12. Chips shall accept the fact that they are CHIPS. Any insisting on otherwise is an offence. The only exception to this provision is when the man expressly, in writing or orally, tells the chips otherwise or a certain period has passes and the chips is still pleasing the man. However, this period shall be set by the senate in consultation with parliament. In that case, the chips will be required to make an offer for change in status quo and the man shall accept. Only then shall the chips become the legal wife of the man.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Cheats & Cheating
There's this new 'epuka ukimwi' ad that has Jimmy Gathu materializing into a bedroom to give a lecture on the financial implications of the Gachugwa on the errant man's pocket. Other than the humerous lashing it got from Zuqka's Philip a week or so ago ("Jimmy is having his coming out party with a calculator in hand" you know .. coz he comes out of a closet) there are a number of troubling things about that ad.
But today's post is not soo much about the ad but its message. We all know that a disproportionately high number of partners within the union of marriage cheat. I'll state early on that this is not something that is peculiar to men. A large number of women also engage in this. I've heard too many tear wrenching accounts of brides who walk in on her groom to be and best maid doing the nasty on the day before the wedding and proceeded to say 'I do' the next day as well as stories of men who busted their wives with their (wive's) bosses contorted in impractical angles.
Probably because I'm on the outside looking in, I just don't understand the reasoning behind cheating. I mean, you made us changa for and attend your wedding which is a day we'll never get back. No one forced you to go down that route so why jeopardize it? Is it the thrill of the forbidden fruit? Is it because spouse doesn't appreciate you? Is it because the sex at home is no good? Does the cheating help?
I don't judge. Just wonder.
But today's post is not soo much about the ad but its message. We all know that a disproportionately high number of partners within the union of marriage cheat. I'll state early on that this is not something that is peculiar to men. A large number of women also engage in this. I've heard too many tear wrenching accounts of brides who walk in on her groom to be and best maid doing the nasty on the day before the wedding and proceeded to say 'I do' the next day as well as stories of men who busted their wives with their (wive's) bosses contorted in impractical angles.
Probably because I'm on the outside looking in, I just don't understand the reasoning behind cheating. I mean, you made us changa for and attend your wedding which is a day we'll never get back. No one forced you to go down that route so why jeopardize it? Is it the thrill of the forbidden fruit? Is it because spouse doesn't appreciate you? Is it because the sex at home is no good? Does the cheating help?
I don't judge. Just wonder.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Hard Knock Life
Being single at my age is difficult.
It's difficult for obvious reasons such as having no one to go home to, do couply things with or just open the damn jar (I swear I had a jar of something or other that almost expired as I couldn't get it open!).
But it's also difficult because people start to look at you as an 'almost failure'. Why do you not have that priced accessory on your arm called 'homme' for women? It's almost like they're telling you that if you'd spent a little less time in class and a little more in the salon, you wouldn't be where you are now!
You are chastised for
a) Having an opinion,
b) and a job,
c) with male juniors,
d) that you drive to
Oh and these strange men that dart you while married with 3 children just don't understand why you reject their advances. They probably see it as doing their bit to help out in society ... Community servicing ...
So perhaps what we should be telling our little nieces is that hard work is for men .. you just doll yourself up!
It's difficult for obvious reasons such as having no one to go home to, do couply things with or just open the damn jar (I swear I had a jar of something or other that almost expired as I couldn't get it open!).
But it's also difficult because people start to look at you as an 'almost failure'. Why do you not have that priced accessory on your arm called 'homme' for women? It's almost like they're telling you that if you'd spent a little less time in class and a little more in the salon, you wouldn't be where you are now!
You are chastised for
a) Having an opinion,
b) and a job,
c) with male juniors,
d) that you drive to
Oh and these strange men that dart you while married with 3 children just don't understand why you reject their advances. They probably see it as doing their bit to help out in society ... Community servic
So perhaps what we should be telling our little nieces is that hard work is for men .. you just doll yourself up!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I Don't Like Weddings
I don't like weddings.
I used to think that that was because I'm single and that it was the green eye'd monster that made me tire of them so, but I don't think so anymore. The events are just so mind numbingly boring and tireing! You take 8 months and wagon loads of cash to prepare for a 1-day event that even you don't enjoy. Pray tell, why?
Never having been a bride, I've been on a couple of line ups and its just not worth it. Please don't feel inclined to put me on your line up. Beleive me, I won't be offended! You're forced to spend so much energy, time and money on things like dresses, earings and rehersals and all for what? So that on the D-day your up at an un-Godly hour after having spent the night in the brides cramped up bedroom at her mom's house with 3/4 of her relatives? You get into the dress that cost you an arm, a leg and 2 fingers, yet you will only ever wear it once (because it's hedious and it just screams 'line-up'). You help unknown kids into outfits and wait patiently in line for your turn before the makeup 'artist' (who may leave you looking like a christmas tree). When this part is done, you endure the bride's family's shananigans while they try to bleed out what last cent they can when the groom's representatives come for her.
Depending on where it is that the bride is from, it may be a looooooong journey across town to the church, where you arrive invariably late to the irritation of the pastor/priest. The Church isn't half full as Kenyans being Kenyans have perfected the art of arriving at the Church when the service is about to end so they get directions to the reception. You go through the whole ceremony, praying that your tummy doesn't groan and betray to the gathering the fact that you're starving (you had to feed 5 kids you don't know afterwhich there was no time for you to eat).
When the church part is through, (even after the interminable pictures), you are amongst the 'lucky' few who's picture get's to be taken with the couple of the day. Depending on the level of the committee's foresight, you may again be shuttled across Nairobi to get to a picturesque location near Voi. With any luck you'll get a biting there before fighting Saturday traffic (everyone get's married on Sato) to get to the reception. At the reception, your expected to dance like one of the Sakata crew while joined by the (well fed) crowd and some dude/band specifically hired for the day (forget that they can't sing wihtout the aid of a pre-recorded CD).
It's only after all this that you finally get to settle to your firstcold meal of the day. Here I don't mention the interminable speeches from relatives who think that the call to keep their speech to a maximum of 5 minutes was just a really good joke by the MC, the long wait for all to go, the arrangements on how the gifts will get to their destination, the quick rush to shower and change before the evening party/dinner and the evening party/dinner.
Before you drag anyone through all this, make sure it's actually going to be 'till death do you part' ... coz I can kill you if you choose to break up!
I used to think that that was because I'm single and that it was the green eye'd monster that made me tire of them so, but I don't think so anymore. The events are just so mind numbingly boring and tireing! You take 8 months and wagon loads of cash to prepare for a 1-day event that even you don't enjoy. Pray tell, why?
Never having been a bride, I've been on a couple of line ups and its just not worth it. Please don't feel inclined to put me on your line up. Beleive me, I won't be offended! You're forced to spend so much energy, time and money on things like dresses, earings and rehersals and all for what? So that on the D-day your up at an un-Godly hour after having spent the night in the brides cramped up bedroom at her mom's house with 3/4 of her relatives? You get into the dress that cost you an arm, a leg and 2 fingers, yet you will only ever wear it once (because it's hedious and it just screams 'line-up'). You help unknown kids into outfits and wait patiently in line for your turn before the makeup 'artist' (who may leave you looking like a christmas tree). When this part is done, you endure the bride's family's shananigans while they try to bleed out what last cent they can when the groom's representatives come for her.
Depending on where it is that the bride is from, it may be a looooooong journey across town to the church, where you arrive invariably late to the irritation of the pastor/priest. The Church isn't half full as Kenyans being Kenyans have perfected the art of arriving at the Church when the service is about to end so they get directions to the reception. You go through the whole ceremony, praying that your tummy doesn't groan and betray to the gathering the fact that you're starving (you had to feed 5 kids you don't know afterwhich there was no time for you to eat).
When the church part is through, (even after the interminable pictures), you are amongst the 'lucky' few who's picture get's to be taken with the couple of the day. Depending on the level of the committee's foresight, you may again be shuttled across Nairobi to get to a picturesque location near Voi. With any luck you'll get a biting there before fighting Saturday traffic (everyone get's married on Sato) to get to the reception. At the reception, your expected to dance like one of the Sakata crew while joined by the (well fed) crowd and some dude/band specifically hired for the day (forget that they can't sing wihtout the aid of a pre-recorded CD).
It's only after all this that you finally get to settle to your first
Before you drag anyone through all this, make sure it's actually going to be 'till death do you part' ... coz I can kill you if you choose to break up!
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