Zanzibar the land of Opportunity (.. ahem)

In a lot of the things I see in my day to day life, I consider that the world was made with men in mind. From the fact of pregnancy to the inner workings of a car; from the lifestyle of a male lion to the height of that mango up on that tree ... Well I recently had an experience to make me rethink (or perhaps emphasize) that point.

I'd gone for holiday in Zanzibar, this dream island meant to hold beauty beyond your imagination. The spicy island with such a long history. It was meant to be a dream destination. Well it would have been, except that everyone forgot to mention that it's a place best suited for honeymooners. I'm single.

So I did enjoy the beautiful 15 minute sunset (alone) as well as the slender streets of stone town (alone) not forgetting the experience that is beautiful Forodhani by night (alone) and by the 3rd night, I was itching for a super wild party, sort of what I'd have gotten in Nairobi surrounded by friends & loved ones (who didn't rub your singleness in your face like salt in an almost closed wound!).

Well a wild party is what I got. Perhaps I should have been a little clearer on what I meant by 'wild'. Wa! So first of all, to put the Island's night life into perspective, I must begin by pointing out that it's non-existent. There are 2 night spots in town that we came across - Livingstone  & Mercury. None of these could hold a candle to even the most lame of bars in Nairobi. So one of the hotels organized a beach party. We got all excited and queued to attend what was bound to be The Party. When we got there the first thing we noticed was that the music was rather white. Then we looked around and realized that we formed the minority: black women. Turns out that this sort of shindig appealed more to the tourist and hence the exorbitant entrance fee (TShs 10,000).

And along with the mzungu comes the TZ brand of beach boy called the 'sharobaro'. This man makes the scrub look like a hard working coal miner! The lout hangs around all day waiting for manna from above in the form of a white man/woman who will take care of all their financial woes for a roll in the sack. And yes I did say man or woman. I've never seen such open display of bi-ness. The same guy would run to hug a woman and kiss a man. Under the same roof! Talk about equal opportunity! And their female counterparts weren't there. I'm used to seeing such places crawling with women prostitutes (with questionable dress sense) but that wasn't the case here as this male specie had evolved into a multipurpose phenomena .. 2 for the price of one!

Have an open minded day!

The Seven Truths

I was tagged on Jaded by Wakarima to give 7 truths about myself. While very excited, it turned out to be much more difficult than I'd expected (this has been in draft for some time) ...

Let's get the rules out of the way:

RULES:

Thank and link back to the person who sent you the award.

Share seven things about yourself.

Spread the love and honor. Award recently discovered bloggers.

Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

Thanks Wakarima - I'm honoured. Here goes:

Seven Truths:
1. I'm not over 30. Well not in my head, I'm not (my ID & mother would beg to differ). I feel rather young and vibrant and am only reminded of my age when I realise that there are things I can't do as well anymore. Like heal. It's not as quick as it once was. I've been scarred by paper cuts!
2. While I cook rather well when I put my mind to it, I don't cook often. Too much effort for 1. I try to cook at least once a week though. I'm not always successful.
3. My favourite colour is red and I'm very often in it. I have a row of red shoes in my collection and when I'm out shopping nowadays, I need to carry someone along who will stop me from buying red stuff, or I will have a problem.
4. Writing is my secret passion and in my next life I'll be a journalist. Words have a way breaking down structure and letting one escape from the prism of everyday reality. Sort of like weed (I guess ... )
5. I have never taken weed ... As a teen we were shown some horrid video on the effects of drug abuse and have never tried any. Alcohol wasn't depicted in that movie so I do drink. I do however like the weed culture/symbol. I got a fake weed tattoo once and was very happy with myself!
6. I've spent a larger part of my life in Nairobi. I like Nairobi. If you're from here, you know what to expect. That the mat cut you off in traffic is no surprise. That power goes is something you were half expecting deep inside. If you hear on the news that a minister quit his job after a scandal you will obviously know that they're not talking about a Kenyan MP ...
7. I'm a happy person. On my fridge is a sticker that says 'dance to your own special music'. I think that's what I try to do.

Now to tag:
Kenyan Dating
Bee Illustrated
Lostinthot
Otieno H
My Inner Cheerleader

The Horror!

It's with a heavy sigh that I ponder what I've been reduced to. Me. The Spinster. Woman of great confidence and acuity.

To explain: I have a silly school girl crush on a workmate. Thinking of him, my mouth subconsciously spreads into a smile and my mind wanders ... I spend lots of time trying to figure out how to ensure that our paths cross, while still trying to look cool and blase. I keep tab on where he is at most times and notice his quirks & shirts. And as if this weren't enough, I've caught myself this evening googling "how to catch his eye"!!

My pal summarized it thus: "You got it bad!"

*sigh* Isn't life meant to be simpler ..

Phantom Relationships

I've read the Saturday paper and for a couple of weeks running, they have had a notion of what they term as 'Phantom Relationships'. Apparently you can be blissfully in love with the man of your life and checking off potential colour schemes and wedding planners while he considers you 'a convenient pal'. Now wait just a minute here! Isn't that just ... er .. so .. preposterously obnoxious  and ridiculous! What is this world coming to!

Ok .. let me take a few minutes to breath .. Done. To give you an illustration of why this is so wrong, let's take me. I'm 30-something and ready to settle down. I'm not interested in relationships that are not likely to lead to marriage unless were just talking friendship (no time to waste). There's black and there's white. So when I give my heart & all to this great man with who I expect to share my dreams and aspirations, how terrible it would be to find out that he was only in it for sport!

On the other hand, women need to be clearer on some things. It's not good enough to take his kind smile and easy going nature as an indication of commitment. And that he has had past difficulty settling down and is always busy out with the 'boys' should be a hint that all may not be hunky-dory. What's so difficult about asking? Really .. just ask. It's the conversation that men dread to have but I imagine that they only dread to have it with women they're not that interested in in the first place. (Been there, done that, had the T-shirt for so long I had to give it out)

Let's be real.

Unrequited Love

The Universe has conspired to keep me out of my own blog. Seriously. I can't post a comment. Not even as Anonymous! Anyhoo, on the question of loving the young, one word of advice: Don't! Life IS too short! :-) Don't get me wrong, if you're in relationship with a younger person and it's working, good for you. Just not my cup of tea.

But to today's tale. It's inspired by someone's comment that  I can unfortunately not point at (I'll be lucky if yin & yang let me publish this post). The question was, why do chicks hang on to bad/finished relationships?

Where to start, where to start? I'm a chick who's been in love and been loved, so let's use me as a guiding stick. Once upon a time, there was this guy who was everything I ever wanted in a man. Well not everything (deplorable English & didn't read anything other than the paper) but I figured that he was the man for me. Let's call him Dave. Dave was honest enough with me from the onset to be clear that we'd not be married with 2.2 kids. Not in this lifetime. Or in the next. He didn't come out and tell me but at some level I understood. I figured a couple 'that's not what he meant's and 'I can change him', but alas, it was not meant to be. By the time I got round to accepting the rejection, I'd fallen for him rather hard. It took all my courage to nip it in the bud and keep my distance. Though I'm one of the lucky ones, every now and again I have to stop myself from sending that text!

We all know sensible women who do the darndest things to be with some man they should simply let go of. I mean, I could write a book! And it's not that they have no options; my pal Mary got married while admitting that she was looking over her shoulder in case the man who had her heart should declare that he'd been mistaken to let go of her. It's just not that easy. The heart wants what the heart wants and it's very difficult to train it to understand that the object of its affections is just not interested.

If you've never been in this situation, count yourself lucky. If you have, join me in praying for the women we know who just can't seem to get themselves out of it. I think in this men are luckier; they just seem to have thicker skin and know how to bounce back.

Age only a number? Yeah right!

There's a recent fad that seems to be taking on. I didn't think much of it until I found myself on the verge of getting into it myself. What do I speak of? Women going out with younger men. I may be narrow minded but have always shouted from the roof tops that younger men were not for me. Why you ask? Because I just thought that they wouldn't be mature enough (you know, because of the theory that an average woman is atleast 4 years older than a man her age in maturity).

Well I've recently realized that I'm smitten by a guy 5 years younger than me. It's a lost cause from the offset, and I've told him as much. It may be because of my mindset or just the things he does (I swear you'd think he were 5!) but its doomed from the get go. I find it interesting though. I know about 5 gals my age going out with younger men with the ages ranging from a 5 -10 (!) year difference. I'm not sure how serious they are, but one wonders. Is it that we've gone desperate and anything would do? Is it that younger men are more sensitive? Is it that we're holding on to the dredges of youth and would do anything to hold on to that fleeting feeling of belonging to the era?

Whatever it is, I won't deny that I smiled at the thought and was entertained by the advances of a man so young.

Singleness *sigh*

Single women are their own worst enemies. To explain: The other day I went out with 4 single girls to watch a play. After that, we went out on the rave. In all this time, we only spoke and interacted with each other and people we knew. How really do we expect to get men? How now?

On the other hand though, I was having a discussion with a pal of mine who met her husband while in campus and we agreed that things aren't the same as they used to be. Getting a man is so much more difficult now. You see, when you're both students you look at the world with starry eyed wonder and nothing but great hope and optimism in the future. You'll be the best darned doctor/accountant/lawyer/farmer/anthropologist that the world has ever seen and you will be married by 25 with 3 kids by 30. You will work on making the world a better place. And your potential success is not a problem. If say, your studying Actuarial Science, you may drop out, so you're not necessarily a threat to the boys.

Fast forward a number of years later after you're established in your carrier (not nice carriers like nursing which presuppose that you're a caring being .. let's stick with the actuarial science example - cold, precise, impersonal). The average dude, even in the same profession or doing better than you tends to be somewhat threatened by you. That's not even talking of the guys who perceive you to be out of their league. Then God forbid you should get yourself a nice car or (gasp) start paying a mortgage! By so doing, you buy yourself a slot in the 'untouchable' category .. right up there next to Martha Karua! A male pal explained that that is just too much pressure on a dude ...

So what to do? Stick to the 'I'm a tea girl'!