Sunday, May 17, 2015

Of Paths & River Bends

I came to the realization that it's terriby difficult to write about relationships when you're not in one ... and even more so, when the last time you were in a real  one is about the same time dinosaurs roamed the earth (free .. not in Jurassic Park). Anyhoo, coz I'm such a great sport (and love to talk) I shall soldier on. And maybe expand my space a little.

The other day I was talking to a guy. He's young and married with 2 kids .. OK, young is relative. He's 32 (and insists he's not that young as his birthday is in September when he'll be a grand 33 (which makes me think that it's only the really young who say that ... I haven't had that comparrison since I was 8 3/4 ...)). Anyhoo, he said he admired my 'freedom'. I really wondered what he meant and have been pondering it all week.

To better visualize, I put mysef in his shoes. I figure he got married at 28 (as his first child is 4). Assuming a younger wife, let's say she got married at 26. I think at 26, I was really just begining to figure out how to place my feet in the job market. Finish high school at 18, wait for the 2 years before getting into public Uni (20), do that for 4 years (24) do my attachment for a year (25) start really working (26). I was probably just a young ditzy girl. If I'd gotten married then, would I secretely be wishing for 'freedom'? Would I wonder what it feels like to spend a Saturday morning in PJ's watchng back episodes of Olivia Pope's Scandal? Would I never thereafter have left the bar at 6 in the morning? Would opening the fridge to nothing but cold water and food gone bad have never been exprienced? Would I have missed any of this? Would I have known enough to miss them?

I guess life takes us through the paths meant for us. Maybe if I'd gotten married young (and for those of you who keep shaking their heads, 26 in my opinion is really rather young) I would be the satisfied settled mother of 5 & happy like a pig in mud. Maybe I'd be the suicidal wife of a successful doctor who couldn't fathom why I felt that death was a better alternative than life with him, whose only fault was deseperatey loving me (a book I read .. a little morbid). Maybe I'd spend my life wondering about the road not travelled. There's a song in Pocahontas (the motion picture) that speaks of spending life wondering what's just around the river bend. Lucky for her, the script was crafted in such a way that she found out immediately after she finished singing the song. Real life doesn't generally work out that way .. not least because we don't generally spend our days singing with the spirits found in trees for inspiration (and instrumentation).

So here's my words of wisdom: life is what you make of it. And everday is a new day, with a new page to choose what the story of your future shall be. But the key is not to get stuck either looking at the past wondering what if you'd taken a different path or staring blankly ahead trying to figure out what will be coming along just around the river bend. Take a breath and live out the here and now. It's all any of us really ever have.


  1. *exhales slowly*

    You're just what the doctor ordered this morning. :-)

  2. Well hellooooo there! Please don't change doctors :-)

  3. I guess we always want what we never had. When I was younger, my plan was to get married at 25 and have my first child at 27. I guess because that's how my mom did it. I wanted a big family so I didn't want to be 30 without children. But then my 9 year relationship wasn't heading in the direction I wanted. The guy didn't know if he wanted to marry me and didn't know if he ever wanted kids. So here I was, 28 and starting over.

    Fast forward to today, 30 years old, still childless. Not even sure if I want to get married anymore. I know I still want a family but feel like I'm running out of time. I really wish there was no timeline on having children because being 30 would be a lot less stressful.

    1. Well, there wouldn't be such a timeline if women avoided all usage of the pill, which actually kills your sperm count more then anything. For many the notion to withgo sex until marriage is tantamount to sacrifice.

  4. Well said - Life is what you make of it. Yesterday's gone and who knows about tomorrow?

    There is a common misunderstanding created by marketers that the average 'family' should live in a 3 bedroom house - husband, wife and 2 children. The packets of cakes and biscuits and cartons of drinks are packaged with this in mind. You are not Average - I am not Average nobody is Average. We are all unique and lovely and so very special.

    More of these lovely posts please. :-)