Why Can't Women Think Straight When it Comes to Love?

So the other day I was watching "The Nazi Officer's Wife" (yes eons after everyone else) and I found the story so very sad. Even though the main storyline was fairly strange albeit interesting (probably why they made a movie of it in the first place) my points of concern were 2: (and here I issue a spoiler alert)


To remind you, the woman was living happily in Austria before the war broke out. But just before it did, they had an inkling that it might. In fact if I remember right, it was the day before all went to hell that her sisters got on a train and moved to safety's. She stayed on. Why you ask? What would make a woman risk her all? Yes you guessed it right, a man. The woman was in love with a man. A man she thought all wonderful and who had promised her that he would protect her and always be there for her. The selfish bastard was aware of the fact that she was not moving because of him. Probably encouraged it; putting her safety in his hands. And what does the idiot do when it matters? What does he do when shit has well and truly hit the fan? He not only turns his back on her, but does it by hiding in the folds of his mother's skirts! (He was partly jewish and his mother had ensured that all his papers hid that fact - this mother apparently ensured that he had nothing to do with his love). (Grow a spine!)

Abandoned and alone (her mother who had been the other (although lesser) reason she'd stayed on had been sent to a camp) our protagonist risks life and limb in traveling to Munich where she sets up a life for herself. Here she meets another man (a Nazi Officer - hence the title) who within the span of a week or two proposes. She is turmoiled for what can she do? How is she to accept the proposal yet she embodies the very antithesis of his beliefs? How is she to deal with the loneliness she carries in her heart? So what does she do? The Jewish woman who has through the grace of God escaped certain death in a refugee camp through fake documents purporting her to be Aryan confesses the secret of her identity to a Nazi Officer. As she is loved by God, the man keeps her secret and the story goes on (they get married and even have a kid during the height of the 2nd World War).

Women, what is wrong with us? What is this thing called love that pushes us to go against every grain of reason in our beings? Why do we risk so much for the ones we love (regardless of whether the love is reciprocated)? Why can't we learn to do things in good measure? That for me was the teaching of Edith Han's story. That and that we must pray and trust in God.

Zanzibar the land of Opportunity (.. ahem)

In a lot of the things I see in my day to day life, I consider that the world was made with men in mind. From the fact of pregnancy to the inner workings of a car; from the lifestyle of a male lion to the height of that mango up on that tree ... Well I recently had an experience to make me rethink (or perhaps emphasize) that point.

I'd gone for holiday in Zanzibar, this dream island meant to hold beauty beyond your imagination. The spicy island with such a long history. It was meant to be a dream destination. Well it would have been, except that everyone forgot to mention that it's a place best suited for honeymooners. I'm single.

So I did enjoy the beautiful 15 minute sunset (alone) as well as the slender streets of stone town (alone) not forgetting the experience that is beautiful Forodhani by night (alone) and by the 3rd night, I was itching for a super wild party, sort of what I'd have gotten in Nairobi surrounded by friends & loved ones (who didn't rub your singleness in your face like salt in an almost closed wound!).

Well a wild party is what I got. Perhaps I should have been a little clearer on what I meant by 'wild'. Wa! So first of all, to put the Island's night life into perspective, I must begin by pointing out that it's non-existent. There are 2 night spots in town that we came across - Livingstone  & Mercury. None of these could hold a candle to even the most lame of bars in Nairobi. So one of the hotels organized a beach party. We got all excited and queued to attend what was bound to be The Party. When we got there the first thing we noticed was that the music was rather white. Then we looked around and realized that we formed the minority: black women. Turns out that this sort of shindig appealed more to the tourist and hence the exorbitant entrance fee (TShs 10,000).

And along with the mzungu comes the TZ brand of beach boy called the 'sharobaro'. This man makes the scrub look like a hard working coal miner! The lout hangs around all day waiting for manna from above in the form of a white man/woman who will take care of all their financial woes for a roll in the sack. And yes I did say man or woman. I've never seen such open display of bi-ness. The same guy would run to hug a woman and kiss a man. Under the same roof! Talk about equal opportunity! And their female counterparts weren't there. I'm used to seeing such places crawling with women prostitutes (with questionable dress sense) but that wasn't the case here as this male specie had evolved into a multipurpose phenomena .. 2 for the price of one!

Have an open minded day!

The Seven Truths

I was tagged on Jaded by Wakarima to give 7 truths about myself. While very excited, it turned out to be much more difficult than I'd expected (this has been in draft for some time) ...

Let's get the rules out of the way:

RULES:

Thank and link back to the person who sent you the award.

Share seven things about yourself.

Spread the love and honor. Award recently discovered bloggers.

Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

Thanks Wakarima - I'm honoured. Here goes:

Seven Truths:
1. I'm not over 30. Well not in my head, I'm not (my ID & mother would beg to differ). I feel rather young and vibrant and am only reminded of my age when I realise that there are things I can't do as well anymore. Like heal. It's not as quick as it once was. I've been scarred by paper cuts!
2. While I cook rather well when I put my mind to it, I don't cook often. Too much effort for 1. I try to cook at least once a week though. I'm not always successful.
3. My favourite colour is red and I'm very often in it. I have a row of red shoes in my collection and when I'm out shopping nowadays, I need to carry someone along who will stop me from buying red stuff, or I will have a problem.
4. Writing is my secret passion and in my next life I'll be a journalist. Words have a way breaking down structure and letting one escape from the prism of everyday reality. Sort of like weed (I guess ... )
5. I have never taken weed ... As a teen we were shown some horrid video on the effects of drug abuse and have never tried any. Alcohol wasn't depicted in that movie so I do drink. I do however like the weed culture/symbol. I got a fake weed tattoo once and was very happy with myself!
6. I've spent a larger part of my life in Nairobi. I like Nairobi. If you're from here, you know what to expect. That the mat cut you off in traffic is no surprise. That power goes is something you were half expecting deep inside. If you hear on the news that a minister quit his job after a scandal you will obviously know that they're not talking about a Kenyan MP ...
7. I'm a happy person. On my fridge is a sticker that says 'dance to your own special music'. I think that's what I try to do.

Now to tag:
Kenyan Dating
Bee Illustrated
Lostinthot
Otieno H
My Inner Cheerleader

The Horror!

It's with a heavy sigh that I ponder what I've been reduced to. Me. The Spinster. Woman of great confidence and acuity.

To explain: I have a silly school girl crush on a workmate. Thinking of him, my mouth subconsciously spreads into a smile and my mind wanders ... I spend lots of time trying to figure out how to ensure that our paths cross, while still trying to look cool and blase. I keep tab on where he is at most times and notice his quirks & shirts. And as if this weren't enough, I've caught myself this evening googling "how to catch his eye"!!

My pal summarized it thus: "You got it bad!"

*sigh* Isn't life meant to be simpler ..

Phantom Relationships

I've read the Saturday paper and for a couple of weeks running, they have had a notion of what they term as 'Phantom Relationships'. Apparently you can be blissfully in love with the man of your life and checking off potential colour schemes and wedding planners while he considers you 'a convenient pal'. Now wait just a minute here! Isn't that just ... er .. so .. preposterously obnoxious  and ridiculous! What is this world coming to!

Ok .. let me take a few minutes to breath .. Done. To give you an illustration of why this is so wrong, let's take me. I'm 30-something and ready to settle down. I'm not interested in relationships that are not likely to lead to marriage unless were just talking friendship (no time to waste). There's black and there's white. So when I give my heart & all to this great man with who I expect to share my dreams and aspirations, how terrible it would be to find out that he was only in it for sport!

On the other hand, women need to be clearer on some things. It's not good enough to take his kind smile and easy going nature as an indication of commitment. And that he has had past difficulty settling down and is always busy out with the 'boys' should be a hint that all may not be hunky-dory. What's so difficult about asking? Really .. just ask. It's the conversation that men dread to have but I imagine that they only dread to have it with women they're not that interested in in the first place. (Been there, done that, had the T-shirt for so long I had to give it out)

Let's be real.

Unrequited Love

The Universe has conspired to keep me out of my own blog. Seriously. I can't post a comment. Not even as Anonymous! Anyhoo, on the question of loving the young, one word of advice: Don't! Life IS too short! :-) Don't get me wrong, if you're in relationship with a younger person and it's working, good for you. Just not my cup of tea.

But to today's tale. It's inspired by someone's comment that  I can unfortunately not point at (I'll be lucky if yin & yang let me publish this post). The question was, why do chicks hang on to bad/finished relationships?

Where to start, where to start? I'm a chick who's been in love and been loved, so let's use me as a guiding stick. Once upon a time, there was this guy who was everything I ever wanted in a man. Well not everything (deplorable English & didn't read anything other than the paper) but I figured that he was the man for me. Let's call him Dave. Dave was honest enough with me from the onset to be clear that we'd not be married with 2.2 kids. Not in this lifetime. Or in the next. He didn't come out and tell me but at some level I understood. I figured a couple 'that's not what he meant's and 'I can change him', but alas, it was not meant to be. By the time I got round to accepting the rejection, I'd fallen for him rather hard. It took all my courage to nip it in the bud and keep my distance. Though I'm one of the lucky ones, every now and again I have to stop myself from sending that text!

We all know sensible women who do the darndest things to be with some man they should simply let go of. I mean, I could write a book! And it's not that they have no options; my pal Mary got married while admitting that she was looking over her shoulder in case the man who had her heart should declare that he'd been mistaken to let go of her. It's just not that easy. The heart wants what the heart wants and it's very difficult to train it to understand that the object of its affections is just not interested.

If you've never been in this situation, count yourself lucky. If you have, join me in praying for the women we know who just can't seem to get themselves out of it. I think in this men are luckier; they just seem to have thicker skin and know how to bounce back.

Age only a number? Yeah right!

There's a recent fad that seems to be taking on. I didn't think much of it until I found myself on the verge of getting into it myself. What do I speak of? Women going out with younger men. I may be narrow minded but have always shouted from the roof tops that younger men were not for me. Why you ask? Because I just thought that they wouldn't be mature enough (you know, because of the theory that an average woman is atleast 4 years older than a man her age in maturity).

Well I've recently realized that I'm smitten by a guy 5 years younger than me. It's a lost cause from the offset, and I've told him as much. It may be because of my mindset or just the things he does (I swear you'd think he were 5!) but its doomed from the get go. I find it interesting though. I know about 5 gals my age going out with younger men with the ages ranging from a 5 -10 (!) year difference. I'm not sure how serious they are, but one wonders. Is it that we've gone desperate and anything would do? Is it that younger men are more sensitive? Is it that we're holding on to the dredges of youth and would do anything to hold on to that fleeting feeling of belonging to the era?

Whatever it is, I won't deny that I smiled at the thought and was entertained by the advances of a man so young.

Singleness *sigh*

Single women are their own worst enemies. To explain: The other day I went out with 4 single girls to watch a play. After that, we went out on the rave. In all this time, we only spoke and interacted with each other and people we knew. How really do we expect to get men? How now?

On the other hand though, I was having a discussion with a pal of mine who met her husband while in campus and we agreed that things aren't the same as they used to be. Getting a man is so much more difficult now. You see, when you're both students you look at the world with starry eyed wonder and nothing but great hope and optimism in the future. You'll be the best darned doctor/accountant/lawyer/farmer/anthropologist that the world has ever seen and you will be married by 25 with 3 kids by 30. You will work on making the world a better place. And your potential success is not a problem. If say, your studying Actuarial Science, you may drop out, so you're not necessarily a threat to the boys.

Fast forward a number of years later after you're established in your carrier (not nice carriers like nursing which presuppose that you're a caring being .. let's stick with the actuarial science example - cold, precise, impersonal). The average dude, even in the same profession or doing better than you tends to be somewhat threatened by you. That's not even talking of the guys who perceive you to be out of their league. Then God forbid you should get yourself a nice car or (gasp) start paying a mortgage! By so doing, you buy yourself a slot in the 'untouchable' category .. right up there next to Martha Karua! A male pal explained that that is just too much pressure on a dude ...

So what to do? Stick to the 'I'm a tea girl'!

Childless Women

On Easy FM in the morning jana, their topic of discussion was childless women. The question was whether it was normal for a woman to consciously decide that she didn't want kids. Whether there was something innately wrong with her. The examples used were of women who claimed not to want kids because they make too much noise ... I've however chanced upon women who know that they won't have kids saying that they lack the calling or the interest. Most callers were of the view that those women are selfish and immature. Got me thinking...

In my case, I don't have kids and am not in a hurry to get any. I realize that with my biological clock ticking away, it may be too late by the time I settle down and am ready for them. And that doesn't really bother me. I figure that adoption is always an option if need be. I wouldn't want to end up like those jungus who have nothing but their dogs to care for in their old age, but are kids the ultimate prize? Isn't it mean to have kids just for the sake of it? Aren't there enough of them suffering out there? Isn't it also mean to be 50 year old parents of pre-teens?

Maybe it's just a private decision that should be left thus.

Relationships gone to Hell

I often think that it's very unfortunate being a chick. There should be a 3rd option which we should have the freedom to choose once were 21 (... well maybe 30). You see women love whole heartedly with all their being. They give their all and their soul to this person whom they have earmarked as their own.

Why is this a tragedy? Meet a few ladies below (names obviously false):

Mary - A girl from a rich family. She fell in love and dropped out of high school at form 3 to go live with her lover, a matatu tout no less. She got pregnant and was disowned by her family. Last I heard, she had 4 kids with this bloke, lived in a bedsitter in Eastleigh and he had so many wives/girlfriends that Akuku Danger (rest his soul in peace) would have been impressed. She loves him.

Maggie - She's in love with a married man. By the time she made the conscious decision to fall pregnant with his child, she was well aware that he had 3 wives in 3 countries but somehow beleived that she would be the one to tame him. Her baby is now 7 and she has a good enough job to take care of her. But you know what the worst part is? She still gets hurt whenever she doesn't manage to garner a decent amount of time from Baby Daddy for herself. She loves him.

Magdalene - Her situation is just sad. They've been going out for about 3 weeks and she feels he's the man for her. He doesn't even seem to like her. He'll go out with her together with all his boys and relatives and their friends (and friends' friends) and she'll foot the bill (forget that everyone else also works). Never mind that there's a girl in the pack who the object of her affection is untowardly friendly to and doesn't hide this fact even in Magdalene's presence. He'll drive behind her to her place (leaving the boys in place and insisting that Magdalene needs to get an early start for her tomorrow), have his way with her (if she's lucky) and ask her for money. She'll provide and pretend that she doesn't know that he's going back to entertain the rest with her money (questionable chick included). Should she raise query about his behaviour, he'll throw a tantrum and threaten to leave her for not trusting him. And the worst part is, after he's gotten his fill of the chick, he'll be the one to dump her and leave her crying after him and wonderig why. Because she loved him.

Marjorie - She's a battered woman. To the outside world, she has everything any woman would want. A loving husband, adorable kids, a great job and a bright future. Come home and her nightmare begins. He beats her for anything from having moved the remote to their children's dismal grades. The level of beatings change with his mood. Can be a smack or a blow. It started out in private but now happens infront of the kids and seems likely to graduate to infront of guests. She's had to explain many a walking into closet doors and falling down stairs. "I'm so clumsy," she explains with a smile. Why does she stay? Because she loves him.

Mercy - She's also a powerful woman in a highflying industry with a great job. She multi tasks like a combine harvester and always has energy to do more and more. She's married to this dude who has no job. Hasn't had a job in the last 10 years and isn't looking for one. Not that he helps around the house. Nooo. He can't be bothered to get the kids up and dressed for school, can't be bothered to keep the house neat, can't be bothered to change the light bulb and can't even be bothered to check the kids' homework. That's a woman's job. She comes home from work for him to lift his head from the couch and ask "what's for dinner?". She stays because her kids need a father figure. And she loves him.

Mildred - She got married out of pure love. She beleived that a love like theirs had never been seen before. It was the stuff of real fairy tales. He was a successful businessman and he convinced her to drop out of college. After all, a wife as lovely as she was would never need to work a day in her life. He'd take care of all her needs. Fast forward 13 years on and she's contemplating suicide. He takes care of their 3 kids to a fault but loaths her. Why, even her children treat her with a level of disdain. And he encourages them. He does all the shopping pays all the fees and bills and she has to go through the humilliation of asking him for money for pads. She has no life outside her home and that has slowly turned into a prison. He brings odd women home every ones in a while and has a go with them in the guesthouse. The only reason he doesn't kick her out of their matrimonial bed to do his deeds with these women is that he has too much respect for the kids. His 'gachuguas' are better kept than her who needs to explain with the aid of a power point presentation why it is she needs money for a new outfit. She doesn't love him anymore more.

This is unfortunately only the tip of the iceberg. If you're single, stop beating yourself up over it and say a silent prayer for the women in the above situation.

The Chips Act

Here's a forward I got this weekend. Lol!

The provisions of the CHIPS ACT are as follows:
1.       Section 2(1) provides that a chips shall always appear in a club looking fresh. Sweaty mamas wakae home.
2.       A chips shall never ask for payment after a night of sec.........luded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free. Asking for credit, fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in disciplinary action.
3.       Chips should never come to the club with mummy,  daddy or girlfriend issues. Clubs are happy places - shida zako wacha home.
4.       Chips should never leave stuff at a man's place so as to get an excuse to come back later. Any stuff left shall be properly disposed by the man and he shall not be liable for any loss whatsoever.
5.       Chips should remember the way they  use to the man's residence because on the day after, no chips should expect to be seen off the stage. In fact if possible, don't wake the man up,..........just leave
quietly.
6.       In relation to sub section 5, a chips should never ever steal or borrow anything from the man's residence. This offence is tantamount to treason and is punishable. It should further be noted that going with the man's jacket or pullover just coz its cold shall be deemed as stealing.
7.       A chips shall practice full disclosure before she's fungwad. Full disclosure includes disclosing whether her hair or teeth are fake, whether she has a medical condition, or whether the club's neon lights makes her look hotter than she really is.
8.       Chips shall leave other pals after meeting with the man. Bringing an extra mama will be taken to mean that the man is being propositioned for a 3-some.
9.       No chips shall disclose any secrets that the man might tell her when he's tipsy. Neither shall she disclose to other people where the man lives. It is a serious offence for a chips to warn other chips that the man is a serial chipser.
 10.   No chips shall come to the club at "that time of the month" and if she does she should disclose this in good time. Failure to disclose this before proceeding to the man's residence, the said chips shall reimburse the man full costs e.g cab fare, cost of drinks, Opportunity cost (i.e the cost of incurred by foregoing/ missing out on the other available chips).
11.   We live in a dangerous world. Chips shall accept to be eaten with sauce. Not vinegar or mustard but sauce. Always remember, kuna chips imekarangwa na transformer oil.
12.   Chips shall accept the fact that they are CHIPS. Any insisting on otherwise is an offence. The only exception to this provision is when the man expressly, in writing or orally, tells the chips otherwise or a certain period has passes and the chips is still pleasing the man. However, this period shall be set by the senate in consultation with parliament. In that case, the chips will be required to make an offer for change in status quo and the man shall accept. Only then shall the chips become the legal wife of the man.

Cheats & Cheating

There's this new 'epuka ukimwi' ad that has Jimmy Gathu materializing into a bedroom to give a lecture on the financial implications of the Gachugwa on the errant man's pocket. Other than the humerous lashing it got from Zuqka's Philip a week or so ago ("Jimmy is having his coming out party with a calculator in hand" you know .. coz he comes out of a closet) there are a number of troubling things about that ad.

But today's post is not soo much about the ad but its message. We all know that a disproportionately high number of partners within the union of marriage cheat. I'll state early on that this is not something that is peculiar to men. A large number of women also engage in this. I've heard too many tear wrenching accounts of brides who walk in on her groom to be and best maid doing the nasty on the day before the wedding and proceeded to say 'I do' the next day as well as stories of men who busted their wives with their (wive's) bosses contorted in impractical angles.

Probably because I'm on the outside looking in, I just don't understand the reasoning behind cheating. I mean, you made us changa for and attend your wedding which is a day we'll never get back. No one forced you to go down that route so why jeopardize it? Is it the thrill of the forbidden fruit? Is it because spouse doesn't appreciate you? Is it because the sex at home is no good? Does the cheating help?

I don't judge. Just wonder.

Hard Knock Life

Being single at my age is difficult.

It's difficult for obvious reasons such as having no one to go home to, do couply things with or just open the damn jar (I swear I had a jar of something or other that almost expired as I couldn't get it open!).

But it's also difficult because people start to look at you as an 'almost failure'. Why do you not have that priced accessory on your arm called 'homme' for women? It's almost like they're telling you that if you'd spent a little less time in class and a little more in the salon, you wouldn't be where you are now!

You are chastised for
a) Having an opinion,
b) and a job,
c) with male juniors,
d) that you drive to

Oh and these strange men that dart you while married with 3 children just don't understand why you reject their advances. They probably see it as doing their bit to help out in society ... Community servicing ...

So perhaps what we should be telling our little nieces is that hard work is for men .. you just doll yourself up!

I Don't Like Weddings

I don't like weddings.

I used to think that that was because I'm single and that it was the green eye'd monster that made me tire of them so, but I don't think so anymore. The events are just so mind numbingly boring and tireing! You take 8 months and wagon loads of cash to prepare for a 1-day event that even you don't enjoy. Pray tell, why?

Never having been a bride, I've been on a couple of line ups and its just not worth it. Please don't feel inclined to put me on your line up. Beleive me, I won't be offended! You're forced to spend so much energy, time and money on things like dresses, earings and rehersals and all for what? So that on the D-day your up at an un-Godly hour after having spent the night in the brides cramped up bedroom at her mom's house with 3/4 of her relatives? You get into the dress that cost you an arm, a leg and 2 fingers, yet you will only ever wear it once (because it's hedious and it just screams 'line-up'). You help unknown kids into outfits and wait patiently in line for your turn before the makeup 'artist' (who may leave you looking like a christmas tree). When this part is done, you endure the bride's family's shananigans while they try to bleed out what last cent they can when the groom's representatives come for her.

Depending on where it is that the bride is from, it may be a looooooong journey across town to the church, where you arrive invariably late to the irritation of the pastor/priest. The Church isn't half full as Kenyans being Kenyans have perfected the art of arriving at the Church when the service is about to end so they get directions to the reception. You go through the whole ceremony, praying that your tummy doesn't groan and betray to the gathering the fact that you're starving (you had to feed 5 kids you don't know afterwhich there was no time for you to eat).

When the church part is through, (even after the interminable pictures), you are amongst the 'lucky' few who's picture get's to be taken with the couple of the day. Depending on the level of the committee's foresight, you may again be shuttled across Nairobi to get to a picturesque location near Voi. With any luck you'll get a biting there before fighting Saturday traffic (everyone get's married on Sato) to get to the reception. At the reception, your expected to dance like one of the Sakata crew while joined by the (well fed) crowd and some dude/band specifically hired for the day (forget that they can't sing wihtout the aid of a pre-recorded CD).

It's only after all this that you finally get to settle to your first cold meal of the day. Here I don't mention the interminable speeches from relatives who think that the call to keep their speech to a maximum of 5 minutes was just a really good joke by the MC, the long wait for all to go, the arrangements on how the gifts will get to their destination, the quick rush to shower and change before the evening party/dinner and the evening party/dinner.

Before you drag anyone through all this, make sure it's actually going to be 'till death do you part' ... coz I can kill you if you choose to break up!

Article on Desperation

Shiko has randomly reminded me of this article by Xege Harun from last weekends Saturday Magazine (Daily Nation). I pull out the relevant extract below:


Desperation
Women peak at between 21 and 25 years. After that, it’s injury time physically and emotionally as far as romance is concerned. This is the window that make or break women’s entire lives. Rather than making hay while the sun shines, women in this age bracket ran around like headless chicken; walking in and out of relationships at will.

After 28, suitors disappear and the girl enters the next phase of her life. In this phase, she feels ready to settle down but the allure of youth that brought countless men her way is already fading. As she becomes desperate, she starts sending out signals to men that she is available. But these are the same men she had previously shunned and by now probably are already committed somewhere else.

But they will still come calling and because she is now eager to please, she will be used and then dumped in favour of those who gave these same men time and space when it mattered. After 30 years, fear sinks in and with pressure coming from family and friends to settle down, the standards are lowered even further.

She starts casting an eye on married men and eventually resigns to being merely ‘the other woman’. This turn of events can be avoided by being careful when you are at your peak. When this desperation phase comes, stay straight and well-mannered and conduct yourself with self importance. Some quality guy may still find you.

*sigh*

It's strange how society considers that the greatest concern for single women my age is their quest for a man. I'm honestly more concerned with my financial status and how to get my life on check. If a man whom I consider suitable comes along the way, great. But till then, I'm not consulting sorcerers or astrologers in a bid to find him.

A 3-Year Plan?

I find that I’ve become one of the boys which is an interesting vintage point to view the world from. I don’t suppose it greatly helps my (apparently half-hearted) quest for Mr. Right, but it’s a price I pay happily. Being surrounded by 5 jamaas at a bar doesn’t really count as one of the attributes of ‘wife material’ I think, but I could always check.

Seating with the boys makes me think that whoever authored the Mars & Venus thing was really on to something. The topic of conversation on this day was my single status. The married to single ratio of this group of boys was about 50:50. One earnestly tells me that I will never get married because I am too intelligent. 

“Excuse me?” I ask surprised. 

“Well you see,” he explains taking a sip of his beer, “No man wants to come home to a woman he can’t wow with his knowledge of current affairs, or the happenings in foreign countries. What’s the fun in going home and in a moment of brilliance quipping that you hope that the milk in the tea doesn’t have melamine like that in China, only to be told that in China it was baby formula made by such and such corporation.”

“They were the Sanlu Group and I think it was milk powder,” I say unthinkingly. 

“I rest my case,” he responds with a smile as the rest of the boys break out in laughter.

“No. She’ll get a man, so long as she hurries it up before her sell-by date,” another says, while adding to me, “which is quick approaching, no?”

“Is that menopause?” I ask and immediately notice the collective albeit discrete cringe.

“Nooo. It’s just that guys will begin to wonder what’s wrong with you if by a certain age you’re still single and bila kids,” he explains.

“Oh? How long do I have?” I ask.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t push it beyond 3 years …” is the answer. I guess that the virtues of alcohol is that it numbs the effect of such comments on the offset but these are issues that will certainly keep me up later in the week.

The conversation goes on and on and I’ll share snippets of it later. Age is understandable; senior bachelors will always be more attractive than any bachelorette but, hey! That’s just society. But that the challenge of a woman who knows what’s going on beyond her front door would be too much to bear is just odd! Next time I go out I’ll introduce myself as a tea girl and upon being told that the Berlin Wall came down I’ll  flutter my eyelashes and ask “What’s that?”

Have a simple day.

The Impending Valentine's Day Threat

 I’ve come to the conclusion that things are thick. Wa! I was staring out of the window at some far off trees and they formed in my mind the image of couples cuddling and kissing!

I blame it on the New Year and the looming Valentine’s day threat. Single women everywhere hate Valentine’s day. It’s the day they’re brought to account on how balanced their lives are (or aren’t) and the rawest form of their insecurities are laid bare for all to see. It doesn’t matter what you do (even if you run an orphanage and have single handedly saved hundreds of little Annie’s), how old you are or how cute you may be. The question is “why are you not in a relationship?” with an undertone of “what is wrong with you?”.

Many a woman braves the day putting on a strong face and casually throwing out “It’s been so materialized!” or “For me it’s a day I spend with my Mother as I really love her…”  Deep down there’s the hope that someone somewhere will remember you. A card, chocolate, flowers? On that day, it could even be Creepy Dave from the news stand. Anything is better than nothing.

Last year I spent Vals at a bar with a bevy of pals chatting the afternoon away and having a swell time. Needless to say we’d probably all have preferred to be elsewhere (and more so the females) but at least it was something to do. This year it falls on a Monday so at least there’s work to take up a greater part of the day. After that, it’s not a bad idea to slink off home and wait for the day to be over.