Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Chips Act

Here's a forward I got this weekend. Lol!

The provisions of the CHIPS ACT are as follows:
1.       Section 2(1) provides that a chips shall always appear in a club looking fresh. Sweaty mamas wakae home.
2.       A chips shall never ask for payment after a night of sec.........luded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free. Asking for credit, fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in disciplinary action.
3.       Chips should never come to the club with mummy,  daddy or girlfriend issues. Clubs are happy places - shida zako wacha home.
4.       Chips should never leave stuff at a man's place so as to get an excuse to come back later. Any stuff left shall be properly disposed by the man and he shall not be liable for any loss whatsoever.
5.       Chips should remember the way they  use to the man's residence because on the day after, no chips should expect to be seen off the stage. In fact if possible, don't wake the man up,..........just leave
6.       In relation to sub section 5, a chips should never ever steal or borrow anything from the man's residence. This offence is tantamount to treason and is punishable. It should further be noted that going with the man's jacket or pullover just coz its cold shall be deemed as stealing.
7.       A chips shall practice full disclosure before she's fungwad. Full disclosure includes disclosing whether her hair or teeth are fake, whether she has a medical condition, or whether the club's neon lights makes her look hotter than she really is.
8.       Chips shall leave other pals after meeting with the man. Bringing an extra mama will be taken to mean that the man is being propositioned for a 3-some.
9.       No chips shall disclose any secrets that the man might tell her when he's tipsy. Neither shall she disclose to other people where the man lives. It is a serious offence for a chips to warn other chips that the man is a serial chipser.
 10.   No chips shall come to the club at "that time of the month" and if she does she should disclose this in good time. Failure to disclose this before proceeding to the man's residence, the said chips shall reimburse the man full costs e.g cab fare, cost of drinks, Opportunity cost (i.e the cost of incurred by foregoing/ missing out on the other available chips).
11.   We live in a dangerous world. Chips shall accept to be eaten with sauce. Not vinegar or mustard but sauce. Always remember, kuna chips imekarangwa na transformer oil.
12.   Chips shall accept the fact that they are CHIPS. Any insisting on otherwise is an offence. The only exception to this provision is when the man expressly, in writing or orally, tells the chips otherwise or a certain period has passes and the chips is still pleasing the man. However, this period shall be set by the senate in consultation with parliament. In that case, the chips will be required to make an offer for change in status quo and the man shall accept. Only then shall the chips become the legal wife of the man.


  1. what now thats hilarious, can i forwad this post, i know some people who would like a chance to read it.

  2. :-) Feel free. It's a forward I got on email so no intellectual rights here