Sunday, March 13, 2011

Relationships gone to Hell

I often think that it's very unfortunate being a chick. There should be a 3rd option which we should have the freedom to choose once were 21 (... well maybe 30). You see women love whole heartedly with all their being. They give their all and their soul to this person whom they have earmarked as their own.

Why is this a tragedy? Meet a few ladies below (names obviously false):

Mary - A girl from a rich family. She fell in love and dropped out of high school at form 3 to go live with her lover, a matatu tout no less. She got pregnant and was disowned by her family. Last I heard, she had 4 kids with this bloke, lived in a bedsitter in Eastleigh and he had so many wives/girlfriends that Akuku Danger (rest his soul in peace) would have been impressed. She loves him.

Maggie - She's in love with a married man. By the time she made the conscious decision to fall pregnant with his child, she was well aware that he had 3 wives in 3 countries but somehow beleived that she would be the one to tame him. Her baby is now 7 and she has a good enough job to take care of her. But you know what the worst part is? She still gets hurt whenever she doesn't manage to garner a decent amount of time from Baby Daddy for herself. She loves him.

Magdalene - Her situation is just sad. They've been going out for about 3 weeks and she feels he's the man for her. He doesn't even seem to like her. He'll go out with her together with all his boys and relatives and their friends (and friends' friends) and she'll foot the bill (forget that everyone else also works). Never mind that there's a girl in the pack who the object of her affection is untowardly friendly to and doesn't hide this fact even in Magdalene's presence. He'll drive behind her to her place (leaving the boys in place and insisting that Magdalene needs to get an early start for her tomorrow), have his way with her (if she's lucky) and ask her for money. She'll provide and pretend that she doesn't know that he's going back to entertain the rest with her money (questionable chick included). Should she raise query about his behaviour, he'll throw a tantrum and threaten to leave her for not trusting him. And the worst part is, after he's gotten his fill of the chick, he'll be the one to dump her and leave her crying after him and wonderig why. Because she loved him.

Marjorie - She's a battered woman. To the outside world, she has everything any woman would want. A loving husband, adorable kids, a great job and a bright future. Come home and her nightmare begins. He beats her for anything from having moved the remote to their children's dismal grades. The level of beatings change with his mood. Can be a smack or a blow. It started out in private but now happens infront of the kids and seems likely to graduate to infront of guests. She's had to explain many a walking into closet doors and falling down stairs. "I'm so clumsy," she explains with a smile. Why does she stay? Because she loves him.

Mercy - She's also a powerful woman in a highflying industry with a great job. She multi tasks like a combine harvester and always has energy to do more and more. She's married to this dude who has no job. Hasn't had a job in the last 10 years and isn't looking for one. Not that he helps around the house. Nooo. He can't be bothered to get the kids up and dressed for school, can't be bothered to keep the house neat, can't be bothered to change the light bulb and can't even be bothered to check the kids' homework. That's a woman's job. She comes home from work for him to lift his head from the couch and ask "what's for dinner?". She stays because her kids need a father figure. And she loves him.

Mildred - She got married out of pure love. She beleived that a love like theirs had never been seen before. It was the stuff of real fairy tales. He was a successful businessman and he convinced her to drop out of college. After all, a wife as lovely as she was would never need to work a day in her life. He'd take care of all her needs. Fast forward 13 years on and she's contemplating suicide. He takes care of their 3 kids to a fault but loaths her. Why, even her children treat her with a level of disdain. And he encourages them. He does all the shopping pays all the fees and bills and she has to go through the humilliation of asking him for money for pads. She has no life outside her home and that has slowly turned into a prison. He brings odd women home every ones in a while and has a go with them in the guesthouse. The only reason he doesn't kick her out of their matrimonial bed to do his deeds with these women is that he has too much respect for the kids. His 'gachuguas' are better kept than her who needs to explain with the aid of a power point presentation why it is she needs money for a new outfit. She doesn't love him anymore more.

This is unfortunately only the tip of the iceberg. If you're single, stop beating yourself up over it and say a silent prayer for the women in the above situation.


  1. wow, i feel for the women, i wonder why they love so much and so first. Once, i met a woman who purported to have fallen in love, in three days but the guys should learn compassion too.

  2. The family should not have disowned Mary.

    As for the rest of the women, I need to come back after psychoanalyzing them one by one. In the mean time, Marjorie needs to walk. Fast.

  3. Damn. The above is just messed up. I'd hate to lose myself completely in a relationship, so much so, i can't even tell who 'I' am anymore. And to lose oneself in a destructive relationship, is just tragic.

  4. Two bits of advice I got a long time ago

    "It is better to rush into breaking up, than to rush into marriage/having kids"

    "It is better to be happily single than unhappily married"

    Then I add my 2 cents...

    Many gals will read this and feel sad. 5 years from now they will be in similar or worse situations. Sometimes we never seem to learn from other peoples' mistakes.

    I am sure that there are two sides to each of these stories, a men's perspective would be nice...

  5. @Pitz seems you're a real cassanova; confusing women in 3 days :-)

    @Shiko psychoanalyis eagerly awaited. Too many Mary's have been disowned & too many Marjories stayed put.

    @Nyambura I feel you completely. Relationships can be such a delicate balance.

    @5ge you're right and it would surprise you how these women seem so confident and with it to the rest of the world .. well apart from Mary. She could be your neighbour, cousin or pal. You've given me an idea though; I'll write about a jamaa I know who's at the very end of his tether in his marriage

  6. True that. Sad. I'm unable to analyze the lot. These things are complex yawa. I can only say that I shall try to see to it that nobody underestimate my awesomeness. We are all awesome.

  7. My advise to anyone who is always in a sad relationship is that you have only one life to live, so if it is not working out, walk out. Nevertheless, there are people who are in healthy loving relationships and having the time of their lives (like me :))

  8. Kwani these horrid relationships have shocked the blogging daylights out of you? Come back. hehehe.

  9. Otieno H you're one of the lucky ones. Don't take it for granted.

    Shiko - will do :-)

  10. where is the like button? And the ones who live their lives chasing after a man who doesnt love them and never will. indeed life is too short to love only one person and you never know who you miss out on when you cling to vanities

  11. Cocktail thanks for passing by. That there is a whole post on its own. Let me gather those thoughts together...