Monday, February 28, 2011

Hard Knock Life

Being single at my age is difficult.

It's difficult for obvious reasons such as having no one to go home to, do couply things with or just open the damn jar (I swear I had a jar of something or other that almost expired as I couldn't get it open!).

But it's also difficult because people start to look at you as an 'almost failure'. Why do you not have that priced accessory on your arm called 'homme' for women? It's almost like they're telling you that if you'd spent a little less time in class and a little more in the salon, you wouldn't be where you are now!

You are chastised for
a) Having an opinion,
b) and a job,
c) with male juniors,
d) that you drive to

Oh and these strange men that dart you while married with 3 children just don't understand why you reject their advances. They probably see it as doing their bit to help out in society ... Community servicing ...

So perhaps what we should be telling our little nieces is that hard work is for men .. you just doll yourself up!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I Don't Like Weddings

I don't like weddings.

I used to think that that was because I'm single and that it was the green eye'd monster that made me tire of them so, but I don't think so anymore. The events are just so mind numbingly boring and tireing! You take 8 months and wagon loads of cash to prepare for a 1-day event that even you don't enjoy. Pray tell, why?

Never having been a bride, I've been on a couple of line ups and its just not worth it. Please don't feel inclined to put me on your line up. Beleive me, I won't be offended! You're forced to spend so much energy, time and money on things like dresses, earings and rehersals and all for what? So that on the D-day your up at an un-Godly hour after having spent the night in the brides cramped up bedroom at her mom's house with 3/4 of her relatives? You get into the dress that cost you an arm, a leg and 2 fingers, yet you will only ever wear it once (because it's hedious and it just screams 'line-up'). You help unknown kids into outfits and wait patiently in line for your turn before the makeup 'artist' (who may leave you looking like a christmas tree). When this part is done, you endure the bride's family's shananigans while they try to bleed out what last cent they can when the groom's representatives come for her.

Depending on where it is that the bride is from, it may be a looooooong journey across town to the church, where you arrive invariably late to the irritation of the pastor/priest. The Church isn't half full as Kenyans being Kenyans have perfected the art of arriving at the Church when the service is about to end so they get directions to the reception. You go through the whole ceremony, praying that your tummy doesn't groan and betray to the gathering the fact that you're starving (you had to feed 5 kids you don't know afterwhich there was no time for you to eat).

When the church part is through, (even after the interminable pictures), you are amongst the 'lucky' few who's picture get's to be taken with the couple of the day. Depending on the level of the committee's foresight, you may again be shuttled across Nairobi to get to a picturesque location near Voi. With any luck you'll get a biting there before fighting Saturday traffic (everyone get's married on Sato) to get to the reception. At the reception, your expected to dance like one of the Sakata crew while joined by the (well fed) crowd and some dude/band specifically hired for the day (forget that they can't sing wihtout the aid of a pre-recorded CD).

It's only after all this that you finally get to settle to your first cold meal of the day. Here I don't mention the interminable speeches from relatives who think that the call to keep their speech to a maximum of 5 minutes was just a really good joke by the MC, the long wait for all to go, the arrangements on how the gifts will get to their destination, the quick rush to shower and change before the evening party/dinner and the evening party/dinner.

Before you drag anyone through all this, make sure it's actually going to be 'till death do you part' ... coz I can kill you if you choose to break up!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Article on Desperation

Shiko has randomly reminded me of this article by Xege Harun from last weekends Saturday Magazine (Daily Nation). I pull out the relevant extract below:

Women peak at between 21 and 25 years. After that, it’s injury time physically and emotionally as far as romance is concerned. This is the window that make or break women’s entire lives. Rather than making hay while the sun shines, women in this age bracket ran around like headless chicken; walking in and out of relationships at will.

After 28, suitors disappear and the girl enters the next phase of her life. In this phase, she feels ready to settle down but the allure of youth that brought countless men her way is already fading. As she becomes desperate, she starts sending out signals to men that she is available. But these are the same men she had previously shunned and by now probably are already committed somewhere else.

But they will still come calling and because she is now eager to please, she will be used and then dumped in favour of those who gave these same men time and space when it mattered. After 30 years, fear sinks in and with pressure coming from family and friends to settle down, the standards are lowered even further.

She starts casting an eye on married men and eventually resigns to being merely ‘the other woman’. This turn of events can be avoided by being careful when you are at your peak. When this desperation phase comes, stay straight and well-mannered and conduct yourself with self importance. Some quality guy may still find you.


It's strange how society considers that the greatest concern for single women my age is their quest for a man. I'm honestly more concerned with my financial status and how to get my life on check. If a man whom I consider suitable comes along the way, great. But till then, I'm not consulting sorcerers or astrologers in a bid to find him.