The Evil That Women Do

My ilk is a vilified lot. We’re the evil ones intent on stealing men away. At the bridal showers I’ve gone to, I’ve noticed repeated emphasis on the bride’s need to distance herself from the single lady friends that she is leaving behind? Why? Coz apparently we are the very spawn of the devil waiting on the sidelines to steal husbands away! You might think it strange or odd but it’s very true. I’ve lost a quite number of friends through marriage (what, after sleepless nights planning their big day and running around to get the right shade of turquoise earrings as the crazy woman will have nothing less for her line up!). I don’t hold it against them and wish them the very best (selfish little twits!)

If society and old wives were to be believed, women like me spend their waking hours pondering on how best to seduce husbands away. I would be more indignant on this except that it’s unfortunately true. How many stories have I heard of grooms sleeping with best maids both before and after the wedding? How many times have harmless friendships between man and friend turned into crazy romances. Heck, my friends fiancé was stolen from under her feet by her pal who got pregnant and was married by said fiancé. We are indeed our own worst enemies.

But the plot thickens. I’ve noticed that when my male pals get into relationships, they don’t introduce me to the woman of choice. You know I’m not interested in you so why not introduce me so I can be happy for you. I was surprised to find that they actually go out of their way to hide the very fact that they are in a relationship. That I find very odd behaviour. Well I did until my pal was dumped by his obviously insecure new-chick after an introduction to a female friend. New-chick told him that there was no way that they were just friends and she couldn’t stand the thought of his hanging out with the woman … (little twit). They did get back together and are (supposedly by mistake) expecting a child. The visits to homes will come soon but the law has been set and is reinforced by landmines.

Having looked at both sides of the coin, we must agree that not all women are the same. There’s a clique of guys I drink with who are all married. They know they’ll never get anywhere with me (having tried and listened to me go on and on about the importance of marriage only stopping short of whipping out a bible) so they have no qualms bringing their ‘fungees’ to the table (mortise is to tenon as funga is to fungee). The lasses are invariably young with sparkling eyes that belie their great expectations in life. They make good conversation and are affectionate to said men. My conscious is clear as I don’t know their wives (and even if I did, my loyalty lies with the men since they were my pals first) and not being their pastor, I don’t need to be the voice of reason.

I guess in short, what I’m trying to say is that you can’t ever be too careful about your man. This idea of ‘lending’ your man out to help out your pal (as a strange girlfriend of mine does (and no, not to me)) is simply dumb. Your pal will get sorted in ways you’ve only read of in sordid erotica books. On the other hand, if he’s head bent on straying, he will. And finally, there are women out there like yours truly who’s looking for her own man and not the left overs from your dinner table.