Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Three is Company too

While I was away I learnt 3 things:

1. Love sucks
2. Always be your own Number 1
3. Pray

I was in an almost relationship that didn't work out and that, together with love, sucks. One can always seek consolation in the knowledge that there are so many relationships out there that are so fundamentally shot to hell that at times being alone sounds like a full fledged party.

Anyhoo, to lighter notes, a chick once grabbed my ass at a bar. No, she did not lightly brush against me, she was not passing in the opposite direction and accidentally graze by and she was not seeking out my wallet (seeing as I'm a girl who carries a purse). We were on a dance floor and the woman grabbed my butt! I was shocked beyond measure! Cannot begin to explain what went though my head. My reaction was I gathered my wits and avoided her like the plague seeing as she was eager to make many a pass near my rear!

So the question of the day (give me my 15 minutes of talk show hosting please) is this: what's all this about bi-curious women in Nairobi? Myth or reality? And 3-somes?

On my part, I've never been in a 3-some and was meant to experience it vicariously through a male pal who was promised a chick sandwich (though it turned out to be a hoax). What if you end up being .. you know .. a third wheel (think Ross Geller & his lesbian wife). Isn't that like the worst possible thing that could happen to your ego? And being chicks, will you spend half the time comparing your ass to hers?!

Life must be hard enough without certain other complications!


  1. No woman has ever grabbed my ass, but I live in hope. :-)

    Are you going to fafanua on 1, 2 and 3, or should we just let it slide? Either way, welcome back.

    1. 1, 2, 3 what? :-) I had started to write up on it but even I got bored.

      Thanks for the warm welcome. But where are the traditional dancers? Haki yetu!

      Have you ever been in a mat then the woman seated next to you insists on opening & busily seeking out things in her handbag while making the maximum possible contact with your bosom? The ass grab feels slightly more odd than that!

    2. Ouch! I just grabbed my bosom ki-reflex... :-( So I guess I shouldn't be looking for that grab any time soon?

      On an unrelated note, I thought of sending in the dancers but I restrained myself, can't be showing you too much joy, I have pride woman. And I'm sulking a bit...ha!

  2. As a guy who happens to have more female friends than male (No Homo!), my in-depth research on this very very important (to me) issue has revealed the following as regards your questions:

    a) The Bi-curious thing: For most women I asked, it one of those bucket-list things you have to try. But from my main go-to gal-pal who's become a pro at hooking-up with chics (despite being hetero, with a bf to boot!),its about having someone to occasionally 'do' you the way women want to be done, not the way men 'do' it which is mostly about them! As a marketer, i'd put it like this: maybe the lass who hit on you saw an 'un-met' need that she wanted to satisfy :-)

    b) The 3-some: From what I've heard {Still haven't lucked upon such an offer sadly}, the reality is far different from the fantasy. That if the girl chooses the 'sandwich-filling', its usually somebody she's done or has wanted to do (see answer (a) above). In such a scenario, the guy is usually like an appetizer, who's 'blown' and dispensed with quickly before the main 'course' can begin! And if its the guy who chooses the 'filler', then its either his side-dish or soon-to-be side-dish and in this case, its the girlfriend who's the appetizer! Either way, someone's always left 'un-satisfied / hungry' as the other two partake of the 'meal' by themselves :-)

    c) For Alex: You want to get 'ass-grabbed'? I'd offer but alas, i'm male (though one can hope). However, try any joint frequented by campus ladies, especially on 'karaoke nights' which is the new 'ladies' night! You'll be ass-groped, boob-jacked and depending on the lighting, even flash-french-kissed, even if your bf is there. Actually, from what I've seen, chances of it happening will increase if your bf is there! (See answer (b) above.

    1. Hellooo nurse! (Animaniacs ... Oh forget it!)

      What a refreshing read! And to see that you've clearly given this some serious consideration! I'd imagine there's something incomplete about the lesbian experience; in that .. you know .. there's a missing piece.

      As for the 3-some I totally agree. Either way, I wouldn't advise it for a real couple since, as you say, it can only go downhill from there relationship-wise.

      I once attended a weeknight karaoke session and had to pick my jaw off the floor: a pack of 6 or so campus girls were at a nearby table and one of them made no attempt at hiding the fact that s/he was grabbing the other chicks and grinding as they danced. But for her clearly visible DD's one would have been mistaken for thinking her a man.

    2. Clearly I go to the wrong karaoke bar...

  3. About the threesome thing, I can only speak from the guy's perspective. From the little experience I have, threesomes just happen. No one starts out like: "Today I am going to have a threesome." It just happens. A guy finds himself heading out with two (or god forbid, more) women at the end of a crazy night out. If oyu are all appropriately juiced, you cannot just do one and leave the other one out. Hehehe...

    But I think it is a very daring girl who sets out to do two men lakini.


    1. ... I think I'll scout for a chick who's done this to hear how it all unfolded.

      In my view, alcohol doesn't make you do anything you wouldn't naturally do. It just gives you the stones to do what you'd been thinking about ..

  4. In a three some involving 2 ladies and a man it is always the man that suffers since they tire fast anyway. The ladies are left partaking in the meal!

  5. Thanks Ghafla & I think that's partly it. Unless said chicks are lesbians, I'm guessing someone leaves the party dissatisfied

  6. I got hit on by a chiq a long time ago. No, she pursued me with all she had. I must say I was to blame for I teased and encouraged her.

    I sort of enjoyed the chase ;-)