Monday, March 5, 2012

Don't Pick!!!

Today I got a call from "Don't Pick!" I was in a meeting but couldn't hold in the chuckle. And the thing is, I don't actually remember who I saved that way. The only thing I know for sure is that it's a jamaa. I suspect it's the guy I met in a supermarket and in a moment of weakness, temporary insanity and looseness gave my number to. He begun bugging me almost immediately & as I'd unfortunately given him my main line, I had to figure out a way of avoiding his calls.I follow instructions so didn't pick.

Then there's "Avoid". This is the married man I once met while in the company of many who now feels that we should do coffee, watch plays, 'hang out' & hold hands. First, I prefer not to spend the valuable time of my early 30's looking taken. Then every minute spent with him is a minute not spent finding my own man. And what really does a married man want from a single girl other than exploring her great wit & intriguing conversation? Great though you may be, there is no benefit to my hanging out with you one-on-one.

A new entrant is "Miscellaneous Idiot". This is a guy who stood me up on some day and has since been trying to patch things up. His story went the way of the curly kit; died.

But don't blame me .. dating in Nairobi can be rather tough. There's a strange assortment of weirdos and people who just dumbfound you (like the guy who once told me 'You look like you have some cash ... I could date a woman with cash' - to give you a clue on this, the guy was just impressed that I had a job). Then there are all the cheapskates whose idea of a great first date is your cooking them dinner at your place (and perhaps hopefully thereafter giving them a 3 dimensional tour of your bed!) Then of course there are the brothers who take you to a petrol station to chew miraa and drink liquor while listening to music blasting from their Subarus (I swear I did not make that one up. Has happened to some girl pals & it just cracks me up. Seriously, they are sensible girls who were talked into a date at a petrol station .. and went!). Just cause it would be unfair not to mention them, there are those who feel like God's gift to womenfolk and let you know at every possible opportunity that you are indeed very very lucky that you have a slot of his time on that day.

I am a woman suffering.

Extra - I must end with this joke:
Whenever Jim's mistress calls him, his wife charges his phone. Why? Because he's saved her as "Battery Low" :-)


  1. That married guy will take you to rhumba night and dance you slowly to zilizopendwa. I don’t know where the heck I got that impression from.

  2. Ha. Reminds me of a few entires in my phone back in the day when i was young and uber foolish.I'd saved my mother as Usichukuwe. I saved her as thus because we were constantly fighting and I was giving up fighting her. So one day my phone rings and a colleague calls me out of a meeting "Warh, Usichukuwe is calling". I repent now.

    Then there was Sijui who was basically a call stalker. Calls and doesn't speak. And then there was KWS because i thought saving a pain in the backside as Ngui was just mean..Then there was a inconvinient dude I'd saved as Kenya Power...

    A good laugh - especially now that a petrol station is considered a hang joint :-)

  3. Aaaahhhh....this was so good....... Ha!

    Sounds like you've had your fair share of bad dates too Ms Madam. Lakini 'Miscellaneous Idiot' sounds like he might be worth redeeming, compared to the rest he seems like a peach. I'm just saying.

  4. @Shiko - you're probably right. And his places of choice will be dark and appropriately dingy ..

    @Warhia - Lol! "Usichukue is calling" :-) And how could I forget "Idiot Stalker"?! As the name suggests he was a stalker I suspect was based in Kamiti. I'd get as many as 16 missed calls a day and funny thing is, when I did pick up, he had nothing to say ...

    Thanks for the visit. Welcome again & again!

    @Alex - I think it's our lot in life. I still have a few Toms, Dicks & Harrys so I'll bank on those :-) (pun fully intended!)

  5. There's no need for you to ringa with all those dudes... :-)

  6. He he, I actually have a Dont Pick saved on my phone... nothing to do with romantic liaisons though, just a guy who always calls for cash only and wants it immediately, will not understand that you can be broke and never even says thanks after you have mpesad!

    Going back to the gist your post, I have nothing much to add, being a married guy who has taken a single girl out for coffee...did not know we get so misinterpreted!

  7. @Alex - all figments of my imagination

    @Otieno - that can only be one of those relas. Your money is their right. If you read carefully, it says so in your contract .. On your single-girl coffee date - we have radars that pick up intention. I'm assuming you were not trying to hold her hand and smell her neck.

    @Warhia - I'm just re-reading your comment & am laughing myself silly over KWS & Kenya Power!!!

  8. Hahaha! Reminds me of a 'PICK NOT' I have saved in my phone. Other entries include, !!?, ??!, ?, !, Report<---I had sworn to report that guy to CID or wherever they are reported to. He had become a pain and I even don't know him or where he got my number from.

    Anyways, I found your blog through Warhia and I hope to read more from you. We have a lot in common.

    Bless you girl.

  9. Welcom Tatuu. How do you ever sort out all the exclamation marks?! Lol! Not to worry about "Report" .. they eventually fade away (though that eventuality takes an awful long time to kick in!)

    Bless you too